The Wolverine – Everywhere
The Wolverine comes tearing into theaters to claw its way up the charts! SEE WHAT I DID THERE? God, it was so awful, I wrote that before I even thought about what I was doing — I’m just that terrible and cliched. Anyway, if you want to see a jacked Jackman just ripping people’s faces off like he doesn’t give a fuck, you should get on it. Wolverine is a great character, right? He’s a deeply-flawed mutant who just wants to be left the fuck alone, but these damn kids won’t get off his lawn. Plus, he has dope claws. A++ character design.
Girl Most Likely – Everywhere
I’m sorry, but you totally can’t trust me when it comes to movies starring funny women — or, really, movies starring any women — because I’m gonna tell you go see them. This is about a stunted, immature lady who can’t get her shit together. Kristen Wiig has presence — I’ve loved her since she played Dr. Pat on the Joe Schmo Show! — and it has enough moments to make it worth it, but it’s not winning any awards. Well, it’s a comedy so it wouldn’t win any awards even if it were super funny, but you get the point.
The To Do List – Everywhere
Go see this!!! It’s funny, weird, strange, empowering, and written/directed by a women! Aubrey Plaza stars as a high school senior who wants to check off all these sexual activities before she graduates — the final deed being getting freaky with the hottest dude in school. She’s pretty much a nerd, but the movie never pretends she’s ugly and never gives her a makeover! It’s a revelation. I’ll be seeing it a couple times, and you should too. We need to support the team. (Talking to men who read this as well, you are all honorary women and I commend you and now command you to go see this movie!)
