Identity ThiefEverywhere
Melissa McCarthy is a comedic gem, and if the collective we want to see her star in movies that aren’t just vehicles to point out how fat she is, I guess that means sitting through the mediocre Identity Thief. It’s not funny, and it’s not even stupid funny, but because McCarthy is such a champ, she rises above the script. That means laughs, but they’re all tempered by the disappointment that the material is so weak. I just want so much for McCarthy, and hopefully with the success of some of her shittier movies, it means we’ll get there. So, go see it! But don’t be annoyed when it’s terrible! (I’m sorry it’s come to this.)

Side EffectsEverywhere
Steven Soderbergh brings us a police procedural, and I couldn’t be happier. Starring my celebrity crush from the late 90s (Jude “what happened?” Law), and my celebrity crush from the 2011 (Channing “head on shoulders” Tatum), — my taste is devolving? — this is a guaranteed must-see. Even if you forget it ten minutes after it’s done, it’s like seeing Law & Order: SVU in the theater — what could be better?

Top Gun: An IMAX 3D ExperienceAMC Van Ness
Cheesy and terrible and in IMAX! Why not relive the magic of the totally trite script and performances? With the added benefit of breathtaking aereial footage that’s not made entirely of CGI. Refreshing. You know you wanna go. And if you don’t wanna go, then don’t. Basically, do you want to see Tom Cruise flying high as a rainbow flag on Pride Day? If so, check it out.

John Dies at the EndEmbarcadero
It’s a Horror, Mystery & Suspense, Science Fiction & Fantasy, and Comedy about a man who takes a drug that shifts him in and out of different dimensions. Then, there’s an otherworldly force that wants to destroy mankind, and our unlikely druggy hero has to save us all. Yes, this is the plot! It’s not great, but it’s different — and that’s something. Entertaining, complicated, and extremely goofy, it’s definitely a conversation starter. If you’re worried about conversation with a kinda boring date, this is your perfect date. Go get weird together, and see what happens.

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