Taken 2 – Everywhere
Liam Neeson kicking ass and taking names even though he is a million years old and could never actually be married to Famke Jansen. Like, if you love watching geriatric gentlemen perform impossible feats, this movie is for you. If absurd stuff makes you angry, then seriously, go far, far away. FAR AWAY. Very far.
The Paperboy – Embarcadeo and Kabuki
It’s Matthew McConaughey in a sexy (?) film noir about race in the 1960s south. McConaughey, who should only be seen and not heard, is getting too high-falutin’ with his film choices, and that’s where he always gets into trouble. It’s like, dude. Just stick to being shirtless and running around the Texas countryside naked… that’s your thing and you do it well! All this fancy acting is just too much for you, son. Anyway, this looks trite and simple and frankly, kinda boring. Skip it and just rent Shawshank Redemption or some crappy Grisham flick if you crave this sort of suffering.
Frankenweenie – Everywhere
He’s a dog that’s pieced together and brought back to life, get it!? A Tim Burton film if ever there’s been one, this animated journey is all about the love between a boy and his dog. And science. Wacky and pretty wonderful, it’s the best bet from Burton in quite some time.
Butter – AMC Van Ness 14
An entitled white woman enters a BUTTER SCULPTING competition and becomes enraged when a young black girl WITH NATURAL BUTTER SCULPTING TALENT also enters and threatens to out BUTTER SCULPTING TALENT her for the top prize. It’s so fucking stupid and terrible, even I, the queen of crapola, cannot grant it one more sentence of contemplation.
Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has To Travel – Embarcadero
Diana Vreeland was a legendary fashion icon who didn’t take any shit. A true original, you’ll be on the edge of your seat to learn her secrets and about the intricacies of her fascinating personality. She’s bizarre, hilarious, terrifying, and beautiful — just how I like my women. Such a great look into the mind of a truly unique human being, this documentary is a must-see for any fashion fans or psych majors, FOR REAL.