Ruby Sparks – Everywhere
It’s like Weird Science but this guy writes up his very own Manic Pixie Dream Girl and she comes to life. Straight ladies of the world, this is why you’re single, because deep-down, almost all dudes are Captain Save-a-Hos who want to date wounded birds who make their own jam and orgasm in French. Anyway, it’s cute and quirky and twee and filled with so much heart that you’ll forget it’s totally creepy. Also, this movie is worse than WS because there’s no demon biker gang or Bill Paxton.
Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry – Embarcadero and Kabuki
A documentary is usually as good as its subject, and activist/artist/activist artist Ai Weiwei is a helluva subject. He’s so damn charming and full of mischief, fight, and hugability that you’ll find yourself actively engaged in the battle between an outspoken world citizen and a terrifying regime. If you still have a shred of spark left in you, you’ll exit the theater feeling inspired to really LIVE (ya know?) and possibly become an anarchist and burn some flags and paint your feelings. Hell yeah.
The Watch – Everywhere
Okay, for real, if you want to watch a great flick about a neighborhood watch gone wrong, check out Attack the Block! It’s SO GOOD–goofy, fun, funny, suspenseful, and goddamned triumphant. I don’t know about this other film but I’m pretty sure it’s just two hours of Vince Vaughn mugging so hard he might as well be played by Jim Carrey. Seriously, this guy at least needs a catch phrase… I nominate, “Did I do that??”
Step Up Revolution – Everywhere
What happens when a daddy’s little girl meets a boy from the streets? She calls the police! Psych, this is a movie and so THEY DANCE! You’d think with the regularity that this exact story is told that carbon copies of this unlikely duo are practicing a mixture of crunk and pots de crème* on every street corner in America. I fucking love teen dance movies but I’m still not gonna see this one in the theaters, I’ll rent it the day I officially have nothing left to live for.
The Queen of Versailles – Embarcadero
This documentary looks SO GOOD! It’s about the (lovably?) eccentric Siegel family, who was in the process of building the biggest house in America** when the bubble bursts and they have to figure out what’s next. Do they keep building this 90,000 square feet beacon of bad taste or do they scale down and try to live like flesh-and-blood humans? It’s the American Dream on steroids (so… the American Dream?) with a bit of modern day Downton Abbey thrown in. I love tacky rich people, all gross and awesome. I like to think if I had tons of cash that I’d be straight Rockefeller or DuPont, all sipping gold tea and classily wiping my butt with thousand dollar bills. In reality, I’d totally be Britney Spears and buy half of Kentucky and turn it into a tanning salon. AMERICA FUCK YEAH!
*or whatever it’s called.
**I always thought the Spellings had the biggest house in America? I remember that from the Stars homes tour I took when I was seven years old. Man, I wanted to stowaway in Candy Spelling’s wrapping paper room SO BAD.