Seeking a Friend for the End of the WorldEverywhere
Steve Carell playing another tepid nice guy in a movie that’s like Lost in Translation and Melancholia’s baby fucked a Judd Apatow-produced rom-com and delivered this deformity. We’ll all watch it on planes one day and go, “That was okay, are there anymore peanuts?” Also, I’m not sure if this is true or not but if Carell and Keira Knightley get together in this movie, I’m gonna puke.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire HunterrEverywhere
Just don’t, okay? It’s embarrassing for everyone from history buffs to action-horror film fans. There is nothing here for anyone, so move along!

Brave in Disney Digital 3DEverywhere
TERRIBLE ANIMATION, SO UGLY. How are these hacks still in business?? Lolz lolz lolz. Okay, I guess it looks ALRIGHT but ugh, dammit on the tame story. I was really hoping for a balls-out bad bitch for Pixar’s FIRST female lead but the story is pretty princess-style. It’s worth it to see truly lush 3D animation but listen closely, you’ll definitely hear the heavy hand of many men on the script. Well, let’s hope they haven’t just gotten their token feminist character out of the way and are already zipping back to the land of talking car$$$. I also love that they had two movies featuring talking cars in lead roles before a WOMAN, but you know: misogyny is dead.

Frameline Film FestivalCastro
It’s Pride Weekend! And if you want to avoid the soul-sucking life-affirming crowds outside, head to the Castro Theater, where they have air conditioning and popcorn and not ten billion people from Sacramento! Seriously, so much better. Frameline is a celebration of the best of queer cinema (which is often just the best cinema) and did I mention that you get to sit in the dark and eat your many snacks and not deal with the unwashed masses just yards away?

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  • Greg Dewar

    whenever you have a really bad movie to rate, you should rate how far down Time Cop’s butthole it resides.

  • Greg Dewar

    whenever you have a really bad movie to rate, you should rate how far down Time Cop’s butthole it resides.