The DebtEverywhere
In 1966, three secret agents tracked down a Nazi war criminal. Simultaneously, the same three agents are tracking down the same Nazi war criminal in 1997. It’s confusing and suspenseful, so you’re on the edge of your seat going, “OMG!” and then, “Wait, what??” Probably worth watching for the scene when the girl playing young Helen Mirren attacks a dude with her legs during a gynecological exam. It’s every woman’s dream come true!

A Good Old Fashioned OrgyMetreon
It’s a family comedy about orgies! Jason Sudeikis (Floyd from 30 Rock!) stars as aged bachelor who decides to throw an orgy to celebrate losing his home. Here’s the thing, everyone in this movie is very attractive and I don’t know if you know from orgies but if HBO’s Real Sex documentaries have taught me anything, it’s that orgies are NOT pretty. The only way this movie would be believable is if it starred several old dudes with mustaches, a few maidens straight from the Ren Faire, and the entire cast of Dog the Bounty Hunter. Rain, sadly, did not find it at all amusing.

Shark Night 3DEverywhere
Babes in bikinis and hunks in trunks getting eaten alive by sharks. I’m for it!

Apollo 18Everywhere
No, it’s not a sequel to Apollo 13, it’s The Blair Witch Project on the moon! I don’t know, looks pretty silly. And by silly, I mean terrible. I’m kinda done with this fake found footage genre because I’m hella naive and that shit confuses me!

The InterruptersLumiere
Super sad but also somewhat uplifting documentary about a squad of “violence interrupters” in Chicago’s tougher neighborhoods. What are violence interrupters? Well, they’re a group of brave souls who try to intervene and mediate when it looks like some bad shit is about to go down. These people are the real superheroes! Fuck a Spiderman, I’m all about the interrupters!

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