The Hangover 2 – Everywhere
This is what happens when too many white men are told they’re brilliantly hilarious and given billions and billions (guesstimate) to masturbate all over the screen for two hours. You know what? I only have myself to blame for this one. I bought a ticket to the first film, and when you do that these days, you’re only guaranteeing a sequel. Or a prequel. Or shudder, a reboot. We must all vote with our wallets by never leaving our houses ever again. Rain reviews it here.
Midnight in Paris – Everywhere
It’s good Woody Allen. If rich white people delighting in each other’s wit is your thing, well then: SHABAM! I’ll admit, part of me finds it pleasurable, and I hate that about myself. As penance, I’m going to bang my head against a wall and watch Hangover 2 three more times.
Kung Fu Panda 2 – Everywhere, including my heart
I don’t what else to say other than I love that motherfucking kung fu panda. Not only do I love that damn panda, I also adore the silly-yet-heartwarming story, the interesting and often beautiful visuals, and even the scary larry villain. All that said, even if everything about this movie was crap, I’d still recommend it because the kung fu panda is my spirit animal, and I feel no shame typing those words for the world to see. I know half the dudes reading this have jerked it thinking about smurfette* so whatever, dudes.
Hobo with a Shotgun – Lumire
This movie is literally about a hobo with a shotgun, and he’s pissed. First let me say: Sir, I feel you. Secondly, I wasn’t alive during the grindhouse glory days (I’m a young flower), but if the films were this nasty and funny, consider me your obnoxious friend who finally discovers something you’ve been into forever and now I’m the expert and you’re the idiot who didn’t know anything about it until I saved you from your own ignorance. You’re welcome.
The Castro Remembers: Elizabeth Taylor – Castro
Starting tonight and running through the first of June, the Castro is bringing it with double features of some of Elizabeth Taylor’s greatest hits. From touching to camp, they’ve got it all. Goddamn, that woman had it going on. She was so hot, so crazy, and so right. To make the whole thing even more awesome, some money from the screenings will benefit Project Inform, one of the nations leading HIV/AIDS non-profits. Fuck an Oscar, this is the movie event of the year.
*The other half were thinking about Papa Smurf.