There’s not much that is more satisfying for an SFian than a fresh hairdo, and we know this because of how much they are willing to pay to get their hair cut/colored/blown, and by how often you hear them saying things like, “The prices are very reasonable. Only $70 for a trim.” Without anyone slapping them silly immediately afterward.
They love their expensive hair services so much that even dudes (whose only advantage over women, as far as I can tell, is the ability to get $15 hair trims at barbershops) will actually go to the same fancy pants salons as the ladies and will pay practically the same price.
Even the ones who you would swear are bald, you’ll see sitting there next to you while the stylist gestures in the air above his head saying things like, “Just a little off the top then. Pretty much keep it the same style.”
And you’re tripping out because of the mushrooms and also because this man does not have hair and you are not just going to sit here and pretend that he does. Actually, that is exactly what you are going to do, because you have your own problems to contend with.
Chief among them the fact that your intern salary is never going to pay for this balayage, aka vague highlighting aka beachy, sun-kissed, etc. You’d like to go full-on sun-smack like Gisele, and you even brought in a picture of her, even though deep down you know that the day you bring a picture of Gisele to the salon as “inspiration” is the day you need to take a long hard and quite literal look in the mirror.
So the stylist finishes up and you say how much you love what they’ve done while you both stare at your reflection in the fat mirror for an awkwardly long time, and you wonder if your head is really that big and also when it would be appropriate to start looking somewhere else, and also how to distract him so that you can make it so you don’t have a center part anymore, which he apparently doesn’t think looks horrendous.
You tell him you love it, and you do love it, at least you think you do, you can’t really tell the difference in this light, but it’s certainly expensive looking, and also expensive literally, and you’re about to find out how much, so up to the counter you go, bouncing around and sweeping your bangs out of your eyes, looking like an idiot but in a pretty way, and you’re standing there sweating, and breathing hard PRAYING that you’ll be asked to pay on the left end of the price spectrum for the barely visible highlights, and then yes, salvation you are paying only in the low three figures, and is that really too much money to look not completely not like Gisele?
No. Not if you live in San Francisco.
Photo: Thomas Hawk, via SF Bayview
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