The rest of this week is the only week accepted by quality-of-life critics as one in which we can roll to the cineplex in our elastic eating pants. How can we soak up culture while our bodies are busy soaking up gravy? C’est la vie!

Love and Other DrugsAll over
Sometimes I think that the entire world is out to get my goat. The only role I want to see Jake Gyllenhaal in is the one in which his caveman underbite is actually beneficial – unfortunately, the monkey roles in 2001 has already been filled. So instead, he has sex with the high maintenance — stop giving me that fucking deer in the headlight look — Anne Hathaway, who you know, probably fakes it. Which of course they do because it’s called acting and they learned this in their acting classes.

TangledAll over
Disney does Rapunzel with the voice of giantess and known Disney fanatic, Mandy Moore.

FasterAll over
Formulaic ex-con out to get revenge tale, with Dwayne Johnson and Billy Bob Thornton.

BurlesqueAll over
Can even the most flaming among us love this dance story featuring Christina Aguilera, Cher and Stanley Tucci?

And if you have a high tolerance for flatulence, here are some indies

Made in DagenamEmbarcardero
Sandy Hawkins, Bob Hoskins, and Miranda Richardson stars in this true story about equal rights and women in an assembly line.

Brazil’s trash and the quirky characters who live/pick it.

Aguirre: The Wrath of GodRed Vic (Sunday)
Just in time for the holiday season, Klaus Kinski shakes it up.

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