Finally! Someone has put to video just how horrible, disgusting and dangerous the Oakland Airport is! In this new, brilliant, award-worthy advertisement for the San Francisco International Airport, we’re presented with a completely realistic and unbiased look at what it’s like to fly into both OAK and SFO. Let’s compare:


Our haggard traveler is flying what I assume to be Oakland Sucks Air. He’s stuck in coach but has managed somehow to fall asleep. As the plane descends into the depths of hell Oakland, a flight attendant throws a newspaper in his face and tells him to get the hell up. As he makes his way of that death trap, Dockers guy is met with lines of gross, bitchy people, vending machines, a destroyed suitcase at the baggage claim, a raped teddy bear and signs warning that we’re all going to fall and die at any moment. It’s the “bad airport” and it fucking sucks.

San Francisco:

“Mr. O’Keefe” has been upgraded to first class, complete with a relaxation cocoon and eye-mask. He’s awoken by the same flight attendant who got the hell away from Oakland Sucks Air and she’s in a much better mood. San Francisco International Airport is clean, empty and features accomplished pilots and local celebrities strolling along, waving hello. There are arcade games, aquariums and GUCCI!

That slutty stewardess has made it down to baggage claim to check on Mr. O’Keefe and, what’s this? Intact luggage. Thumbs up! And with that, she’s off on her scooter to show us the way home. I guess Mr. O’Keefe took convenient BART back to his condo because now, a smart-looking blonde is trying to hail a cab.

Try no more, honey. Mayor Gavin Newsom’s got this. Yeah, you guys. Gavin hails your taxi at SFO. He opens the door, introduces himself as if that’s necessary and thanks this grateful traveler for choosing SFO over that dump across the Bay. Roll credits!

Hold on, I need to sit down after my standing ovation.

Like most Americans, I’m always down to shit on Oakland. I’m glad we’ve made it official. According to the Chronicle’s City Insider, this ad is aimed at travelers from Australia and New Zealand. I didn’t even know you could fly from Sydney to Oakland. How embarrassing!

I applaud SFO and the savvy genius behind this YouTube masterpiece. My only complaint?

I’m not in it.

Please make sure your comment adheres to our comment policy. If it doesn't, it may be deleted. Repeat violations may cause us to revoke your commenting privileges. No one wants that!