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Mexico is like a super authentic version of the Mission. Mexican food in the Mission is good, but Mexican food in Mexico (where it was invented) is pretty freaking awesome.

Can you rip an avocado straight from an avocado tree and make it into guacamole in your mouth in the Mission? In Mexico they don’t mess around with the slow food movement. They mess around with avocados in your mouth Right Now!

In the Mission you can look at beautiful murals as you walk down the street, but in Mexico you don’t need to make your own mural, because God and the anhels already painted one for you, and it’s called nature.

How many times have you been sitting on the beach in the Mission and seen a manta ray leap six feet into the air just for the joy of flight?

Trick question. There are no beaches in the Mission.

When was the last time you were chilling in Dolores Park with some amigos when you saw a pod of dolphins go by, grabbed one by the dorsal fin, and rode it halfway to Hawaii?

Trick question. There are no amigos in Dolores Park, only friends.

You know how when you tell your friend that you’re gonna go to the Mission to get a burrito the size of puppy, all they usually say is, “Okay,” or “Maybe I’ll come”?

Well, next time why don’t you try telling your friend that you’re going to Mexico to get a burrito that might be made out of puppy? They’ll be all like, “Last one to the border is a rotten egg!” and you’ll be all like, “That’s huevo cabron!” but they won’t be able to hear you, because they’re halfway to San Diego.

Mexico makes people excited to be alive in a way that only a math problem made out of huevos rancheros, 12 margaritas, and the Sea of Cortez can.

On top of all the other awesome things about Mexico – Spanish, Gael Garcia Bernal – it is a country where tourists are totally encouraged to bring their dogs, which is great for San Franciscans.

When was the last time your Corgi got to wear a life jacket and frolic in the water dangerously close to a hammerhead? The last time could be today if you were in Mexico! It might also be the last day of your Corgi’s life, but Mexico is a Catholic country, and (almost) all Catholic dogs go to heaven.

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  • Hoos

    This has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve read. Ever.

    However, if the only purpose of this article was to get people to sign up for whatever the hell this is, it worked.

  • Greg Dewar

    Those who can, do. Those who cannot, comment.

    (and yes I’m aware of the irony of using comments to critique the concept of comments, so don’t bother pointing that out.)

  • cv

    It appears that Ramona drank a lot of tequila as part of her research for this post.

  • friscolex

    I chuckled a few times and generally thought this was in line with the tounge-in-cheekery of this series. But maybe I like anything slightly esoteric that pokes gentle fun at the Mission…
    And, just thinking about it, I was born a stone’s throw from the Mission; is that why I’ve never felt the need to go to Mexico? My dog now says he wants to go. The things we do…

  • bloomsm

    who spiked the Dewars with vinegar?

    some who comment also “do”

  • eva_cr

    In case you care at all, my household found this column a hilarious addition to a hilarious series. 🙂

  • Ramona Emerson

    I do care. Thank you.