Movie distributors have taken the weekend off to party. I guess that’s what happens when New Years falls on a Friday. It’s rough out there. Nothing coming out and the indie theaters are all stoned (more than usual). You can still see the blue porn or the Robert Downey porn, but who wants to celebrate (mourn) the passing of a good (bad) year sitting in a movie theater? Alright, fair enough, plenty of years I’d be totally content to do that. But not on this day. Not a decade day. So if you’re not champagne-ing on a rooftop or dancing in the woods or wine-ing with the ladies or southern comforting under a taco truck (still tickets available if anyone wants to join me), here’s what you do:

When Harry Met Sally — Your girlfriend’s couch

This is fun, you know. A page-turner. Personally I prefer Forget Paris because it has Reggie Miller swishing a three and high-fiving Billy Crystal as he gets back on D. Such an underrated movie. Basketball bros, this is how you compromise with your lady. What was I talking about? Oh fake orgasms. Yeah, this’ll do.

Boogie Nights — San Fernando Valley, 1977

This isn’t so much a suggestion as a fact. Someone somewhere in the city tonight will pass out early at a stranger’s house and this movie will be on. If you’re lucky you’ll walk in right at the part when Luis Guzman says, “Not for nothin’ honey but you are the sexiest bitch in the entire country and I love you!”

Holiday Inn — While you’re cooking dinner

Movies like this are great while you cook. Grab the pan, shake it around, glance over for a new dance move, sliiiiiiide, add salt. It “reeks with grace and charm.” It really does.

Trading Places — In the liquor store during the re-up

Take a couple minutes and watch this while you’re wondering what kind of farm Boone’s Farm really is. A classic “I’m glad I’m drunk right now” movie.

Strange Days — Some stranger’s living room after your dance party

No self-respecting partygoers will object to this movie being put on at any time. If you’re restless, mute it, play this song, grab the bottle, get off your ass and shake. You’re young and it’s the fucking new year.

I’ll stop there. Do everything I wouldn’t do. Happy New Year!

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