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Guess what, West of Twin Peaks? Your posh manses, wide expanses of well manicured-lawns and wealth of grow houses aren’t all that differentiates you from the rest of the city: you’re also a little bit of a tweaker, according to the San Francisco Police Department.

Believe it or not, methamphetamine is “the drug of choice on the west side of town,” said San Francisco Police Lieutenant Al Pardini, whose department is accepting a $346,785 grant from the state government to fight the cranky crank. SFPD deals with about 50 meth cases a month, and meth sends about 750 people to the hospital every year in San Francisco, according to the police department’s grant application.

We lost Miraloma to Meth, everyone.

For those looking for SF’s GHB HQ or other drug epicenters, sorry: SFPD didn’t provide much else detail except to say methamphetamine also has it going on in the southeastern part of town, where warehouse space can be had, and that cocaine is more prevalent “on the eastern part of town” (watch out for the feared “North Beach Flu” this winter, readers).

But it’s unlikely that those explosions coming from your neighbor’s backyard shed are meth-related: most meth activity in SF is from mid-to-upper level traffickers, who can net anywhere from $10,000 to $12,000 or in some cases $19,500 a pound for crystal, according to the SFPD.

The SFPD’s report also included the handy detail of where to find meth in the city: “MS-13, the Surenos, and the Eddy Street Mob are the primary retail distributors of meth” in the area (none of which we’ve ever seen in West Portal, but maybe we weren’t looking hard enough). Mention this ad and get a discount!

The west side of town has, of course, made headlines in recent months for a proliferation of marijuana grow-houses. Apparently that’s not enough to get police excited anymore, or at least not excited enough to apply for grants. That’s what happens when you’re medicine, we suppose.

The grant will pay off some police salaries: $75 an hour for patrol-level cops, $88 or so for sergeants, and $100 an hour for lieutenants — and about $20,000 in “buy money.” Happy hunting, boys!

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  • Andrew Dalton

    So if the sleepier neighborhoods start getting more dangerous and the cops start getting paid more, does this mean they will be able to afford more expensive meats for their dinner tables? Will we start seeing neighborhoods renamed after Niman Ranch products?

  • Andrew Dalton

    So if the sleepier neighborhoods start getting more dangerous and the cops start getting paid more, does this mean they will be able to afford more expensive meats for their dinner tables? Will we start seeing neighborhoods renamed after Niman Ranch products?

  • Eve Batey

    I vote the Outer Sunset become the Dungeness Crab District.

  • Eve Batey

    I vote the Outer Sunset become the Dungeness Crab District.