It’s not the thanks part so much or the giving per se that San Franciscans like so much, but the combination of these two words, that manages to simultaneously negate their meanings and create a whole new one: eat, drink, and talk to the point of exhaustion and then when you thought you couldn’t learn any more about poodle hybrids, it’s time for CRANIUM! Just kidding, San Franciscans never exhaust their knowledge of poodle hybrids.

At other Thanksgiving dinners people like to go around the table and say how grateful they are for grandma, or roofs, or Fruit Loops, like it’s some kind of ultimate gratefulness competition and they are going to dominate like the cast members of The Hills in a vacant stare contest. That’s all fine and good for people who want to act like Canadians, but San Franciscans are nothing if not unsentimental, so when they go around the table they’re not going to sit there and tell you how happy they are to be surrounded by people who claim to like them. No, when San Franciscans engage in a contest of one-upmanship the winner is always the one with the most gruesome double blackout story from Bay to Breakers.

T-Day in San Francisco is one of the only meals in America where iPhones outnumber guests, and this is because San Franciscans are so savvy about apps that their phones can actually go to dinner for them, and win a double blackout story contest, twice.

Occasionally, instead of letting their iPhones run on iHungry, San Franciscans will actually show up for the meal, but this doesn’t mean they aren’t going to be using their iPhone for something. When they aren’t looking up random facts on Wikipedia to confirm that they were right about something (!) they’re probably on twitter live-tweeting from the meal with the seriousness (and serious hotness) of Anderson Cooper on assignment for CNN.

San Francisco Thanksgivings are super green in the sense that everything is either from a farmers market or is so rustic looking that it gives the impression of being from a farmers market. I’m not saying that there are wild turkeys and tofurkeys running around San Francisco, but there are tons of pigeons and tofigeons, and there’s nothing a San Franciscan likes better than shopping more locally than you.

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