The-Rock.jpgConvicts are headed back to Alcatraz to celebrate 75 years of unique and isolated incarceration. The festivities will include presentations from old guards, family members of former convicts, and even two ex-prisoners, Fred Dekker and Darwin Coot. Though the event is open to the public, tickets sold out weeks ago.

Probably for the better you don’t go. Where everyone else sees a “publicity stunt mounted by two reformed prisoners to honor history,” all I see is a “decade-spanning plan, carefully orchestrated by two geriatric, criminal masterminds, who plot to hold the American government at hostage by threatening to unleash a highly toxic nerve gas above San Francisco.”

Hopefully the event will turn out for the best, but then again only losers wine about their best–winners do unspoken things on prom night.

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