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Representatives for Whitman refused Purple Tellytubby’s requests to appear in this picture.

Appeal editor’s note: Carla Marinucci notes, after publishing then, apparently, unpublishing a blog post rather intriguingly titled GOP gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman: Buffet Catholic?, that “Whitman spokesman Tucker Bounds called; he noted Whitman is Presbyterian.” Unlike the Chronicle, we do not “dissapear” articles, but do acknowledge that a mistake was made, and apologize for the error.

According to Chronicle columnist Leah Garchik, whom I literally wake up to read just to see what Lesbian #1 said to Lesbian #2 in line at the Berkeley Bowl as heard by Suzy T. from Noe Valley, Gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman got her wealthy ass handed to her at a get-together. Apparently Meg blamed her voting in favor of Prop 8 on her emotions and her Catholicism and no one was having it.

Speaking as an emotional Catholic myself, I’m with the crowd on this one. I feel the way about my Catholicism they way I feel about my family. They drive me nuts, I often disagree with them, they’re too uptight and they make me attend boring events. But once someone starts talking shit about my faith or my family, my claws come out.

A few months ago, I was having a conversation with my close friends and when the subject turned to Catholicism, the table got heated. Everyone was going on and on, explaining to me the horrors of the Vatican and the pedophiles and the corruption. I made some reference to my high school, San Francisco’s own St. Ignatius being a Jesuit institution and my dear friend, the apparent expert on the evils of the Church says, “Jesuit? I thought SI was Catholic.”

I still have faith (yes faith!) that slow and steady change is worming its way into my archaic, sexist, homophobic and out of touch organized religion.My point is, I’m sick of defending my family’s religion to people who’ve seen The DaVinci Code too many times. And Meg Whitman going around blaming her homophobia on Catholicism is not only infuriating. It’s fucking offensive.

First of all, Mayor Whether-You-Like-It-Or-Not is Catholic. That didn’t stop him from ruining John Kerry’s life just so gay people could enjoy basic American rights.

Second of all, if Meg’s just going to vote however the Catholic Church tells her to vote, we might as well vote for the Pope.

Finally, and I’m just throwing this one in here because I’m all riled up, I have known and loved many men and women of the cloth, none of whom are pedophiles. And it really ticks me off when people say, “Well, they probably molest little boys. You just don’t know about it.”

Shut up. That’s just as ignorant and cruel as idiots saying the very same thing about homosexuals.

Anyway, I only go to Mass on Christmas and Easter because my mother guilts me into it, and I disagree with many, if not most of the Catholic Church’s views on just about everything. But I still identify as a plaid-wearing communion eater and I still have faith (yes faith!) that slow and steady change is worming its way into my archaic, sexist, homophobic and out of touch organized religion. Meg Whitman stepping in and voting with her head instead of her Sunday Bulletin would be a nice step forward.

In closing, unlike Meg Whitman, this Catholic is all for gay marriage. Divorce, on the other hand, well…then you’re going straight to hell.

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  • PatriciaA

    Its true, today I gave up my public notary license because the number was 1766614 and after six months of losing job, having a shitty relationship and then having to break up, then becoming very constipated I consulted my local religious order and decided my bad juju was from that damn public notary license.

    But I will split the 7 seas if some religious person tells me not to vote for people’s right. I will do what I believe in and everyone should have the right to get married…

    marriage is afterall an institution.

    After Gay Marriage is passed do you think they will legalize prostitution too? I need a job really bad.

  • Greg Dewar

    It’s interesting to read Leah’s story and see how easily bullshitted the lesbians were in that room – Meg used junkie bullshit logic to somehow convince them she was for civil unions. and of course the people in the room said “bingo! sold!”

    Meg Whitman is the genius that paid a fortune for Skype which has been a burden on ebay ever since. Her campaign is a magic mix of stupid, tempramental, arrogant, and wealthy that only a political consultant could love.

  • be_devine

    Being one of those people at the table with you at the greasy spoon coffee shop in HMB, I already knew that you are a great ambassador for religion. This article is just more proof. Great job, Spots!

  • sfmike

    I’m happy that you’re both nostalgiac and faithful in your support of the church you were born in. My take is a little different, even though I was baptized a Catholic.

    My mother, bless her soul, was a good Spanish Catholic girl and became pregnant with me because she didn’t quite understand the education she’d been given about babies and such and my father was such a handsome man. He told her that she wouldn’t get pregnant if she peed right after sex, which is about all they knew in 1953.

    After her third cesarean birth, the doctors told her she needed to start using birth control or she’d die. Her ignorant parish priest told her she needed to use “self control,” not “birth control” which is why I wasn’t brought up in the mother church, thank the Virgin Mary. My mother shuttled us to Protestant Sunday Schools and eventually settled with an Episcopalian congregation run by a pedophile priest whose son I was having sex with (we were both 11). The Episcopalian priest tried to recruit me as an altar boy but I was a wickedly precocious thing who saw right through him and told my parents as much.

    I feel the same way about your Catholic Church. When they get their noses out of my personal sex life and their dicks out of children, maybe I’ll feel a little bit differently. But frankly, at this moment, the majority of that ancient organization is filled with scum.