We’re not heavy on the sports reporting here at the Appeal, mostly because we’re pretty heavy people. But I did play a little college ball. By “a little college ball” I mean I had one of those Wells Fargo mini hoops that hung over my door and the little ball it came with. I used to dunk on my roommate Armin all day long. I was like, how’s this for civil engineering? Asshole. Game over. It was always a beatdown, but I was real into betting and he got a lot of financial aid so it worked out.

The NBA draft is coming up and it looks fantastic. The most fantastic thing about it is how absolutely awful it looks. Everyone agrees Blake Griffin is a sure thing, but it’s all but decided he’s going to the LA Clippers, who are better than Argentine mistresses at making people cry in public. Then there’s Ricky Rubio, the 19 year old Spanish phenom who will certainly become the most normal looking Spanish player in the NBA, beating out Rudy Fernandez (rat), Marc Gasol (wild boar) and Pau Gasol (ostrich). Everybody else in the draft is a point guard and a coin toss. Teams are so apathetic to these guys that I would have declared myself if I hadn’t torn my ACL playing video games.

So where do the Warriors come out? They have the seventh pick in the draft and need a point guard, since they have about 8 small forwards (7 after they dump Jamal Crawford) and there are no great big men to choose from. Blake Griffin, Hasheem Thabeet and Ricky Rubio will likely go 1, 2, 3. For the Warriors it should come down to one of the following five guys:

Jrue Holiday (UCLA)
Jonny Flynn (Syracuse)
Brandon Jennings (Arizona/Italy)
Terrence Williams (Louisville)
Tyreke Evans (Memphis)

Tyreke Evans is supposed to be solid but it sounds like the Kings want him at the number 4 pick. Jrue Holiday gets a lot of mention because his name is Jrue Holiday but he plays defense and the Warriors don’t like the sound of that. I think they’ll end up with Brandon Jennings, slide Monta Ellis to shooting guard and keep trying to score 120 points per game.

I know a shitload about hoops (it is “hoops” right?) so take these picks to the bank. Since you’re going anyway, could you loan me a couple bucks? I told my girlfriend I’d buy her a burrito.

Image of Brandon Jennings’ “Young Money” tattoo: Deadspin

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