People go to Las Vegas for different reasons, and that reason is to drink. Due to the recession, it has become a typical practice for visitors to mix cocktails in their hotel rooms. Liquor stores are fairly plentiful in this part of the desert, and while they offer a wide array of colorful elixirs most people are happier when they stick to simple vodka cocktails instead of trying to create fancy shots they remember from their favorite bar at home. San Franciscans are especially prone to this as their city is like the Disneyland for drinks made from things like wild boar spittle. San Franciscans in Vegas should remember that it is not advisable to DIY pomegranate tequila shots, as it will almost certainly taste nothing like what you had that one time at Ambassador.

For San Franciscans partaking in a Fear and Loathing style tour, remember that quaaludes and ether is a classic combination.There’s nothing like it for transforming oneself into a character from The Hills, which might be a negative anywhere else, but this is Las Vegas, a city built on the premise that the blind will follow the stupid.

After consuming these beverages and conducting an impromptu dance party to the beat of a demo cd that a band called Michael Darby and the Smiling Triplets gave to you at the pool, it’s time to head out to a club on The Strip where the ‘bro quotient’ (number of bros per square inch) will fall somewhere between Affliction and Ed Hardy.

The drinks are incredibly expensive at these places, but a way to get around this is to split it with your friend, and make sure she gets all the ice. Don’t worry though, because if you are a woman or a man who looks good in shiny camisoles, you will only have to purchase one drink anyway. After that, someone named Giorgio will motion your group over and you will get one of two things: bottle service and interesting conversation or bottle service and three hours of telling the same person your name over and over again. Some people think gambling only happens at the slot machines, but in Las Vegas you should always be watching your odds, because no matter who loses Giorgio is playing for the house, and the house always wins.

All photos: Ramona Emerson

Please make sure your comment adheres to our comment policy. If it doesn't, it may be deleted. Repeat violations may cause us to revoke your commenting privileges. No one wants that!