San Franciscans like freedom and not freedom. In this way they’re kind of like God: they giveth and then they taketh away.

On one hand, San Franciscans are crazy in love with civil rights. They think everyone should be married at least once, and they pretty much assume that marriage is going to be even more magical between same-sex couples.

You can tell this by the preponderance of artistically placed Prop 8 stickers on people’s messenger bags or decoupaged onto hair barrettes. The political hair barrette actually got its start in San Francisco, because if there’s anyone who can say niche with the right inflection it’s a San Franciscan.

A San Franciscan is like the reverse of a Republican when it comes to the regulation of morality: a freak in the street and a lady in the sheets.San Franciscans believe that it is everyone’s civil right to hold one-man protests in the middle of the street for any reason whatsoever. You should see how a single person can stop traffic on Market Street for hours using nothing but a peace sign made out of their fingers. San Franciscans don’t like to be late for work, but they’re willing to do pretty much anything to make way for someone else’s civil disobedience.

This is not to say that San Franciscans believe people should be able to do whatever they want. A San Franciscan is like the reverse of a Republican when it comes to the regulation of morality: a freak in the street and a lady in the sheets.

In other words, San Franciscans just made it illegal not to compost. How they’re going to regulate this is a problem that the law enforcement of the city will have to figure out, but it will undoubtedly involve many jokes about Gavin Newsom’s hair.

It’s also unclear what San Franciscans are to do with the contents of their newly acquired compost buckets, but it is unlikely that they will use it to fertilize their victory gardens. While San Franciscans may love civil liberties and also not civil liberties, this doesn’t mean that they love America. They just want everyone to be able to get married next to a chia pet fertilized by apple cores that have never seen the inside of a plastic bag.

Image: Power to the Peaceful in GGP, IndyBay

Please make sure your comment adheres to our comment policy. If it doesn't, it may be deleted. Repeat violations may cause us to revoke your commenting privileges. No one wants that!