Tag Archives: Suits

Appealing TV: Suits, Pretty Little Liars, Murder In The First, And Big Smo

While the networks are away the cable channels will play.

So, what else is on?

Monday, June 9
Major Crimes (9pm, TNT, season premiere)
The show tells you what it’s about in the title, and it’s not about a military officer with the last name of Crimes. This spin-off of The Closer has got the President of the Twelve Colonies, Laura Roslin (aka Mary McDonnell) starring in it, and no I won’t stop referring to Mary McDonell as President Laura Roslin.

Murder in the First (10pm, TNT, series premiere)
I knew TNT knew drama but I didn’t know they knew about crime too (I guess crime falls under drama’s purview). Taye Diggs (or Taye Taye as my drama teacher in high school insisted on calling him) and Steven Bochco (not sure if my drama teacher had a pet name for him) are involved in TNT’s entry in to the double super intense murder time police show, which I’m just going to call the slow murder-solve movement. You know, The Killing-esqe, meditative, slow burn of red herrings all culminating in the murder of one person. Because that way you get the whole expansive view of murder and character. Also featured is one of those cork boards with twine connecting pictures of people, places, and things.

Tuesday, June 10
Pretty Little Liars (8pm, ABC Family, season premiere)
Now that I figured out what Once Upon A Time was about, Pretty Little Liars is my new show to be confused by. (Funny both shows are under the ABC/Disney umbrella).

Chasing Life (9pm, ABC Family, series premiere)
What do you do when you are a young woman (and not a middle-aged man) facing cancer? You chase life, not break bad, if ABC Family has anything to say about it.

Royal Pains (9pm, USA, season premiere)
USA positions Royal Pains as a feel good show, and I don’t find a real salient reason to disagree, despite the fact it’s about people who don’t have adequate health care in the Hamptons who turn to private a private medical provider.

Wednesday, June 11
Suits (9pm, USA, season premiere)
Good looking people in good looking suits, misquoting legal doctrine. Of course it’d be a hit! And that’s not a bad thing!

Duck Dynasty (10pm, A&E, season premiere)
Here’s a clip of Phil Robertson saying he meant what he said last year about homosexuality is a sin. So fuck him.

Graceland (10pm, USA, season premiere)
Graceland made its debut last year, as part of the newer breed of USA shows that have a bit of an edge, a bit of a bite, a bit of darkness to contrast against the largely blue sky offerings the network has given us so far. Graceland answers the question of what happens when a group of deep-cover law enforcement agents living under the same roof stop being polite and start getting their cover identities mixed up.

Big Smo (10:30pm, A&E, series premiere)
I was first learned of Big Smo on an episode of Bar Rescue, where he was introduced as the king of country rap. But until I see a direct lineage, I refuse to acknowledge his reign. In fact, if this show’s first season isn’t about Big Smo going to the UK in order to find out his royal lineage, then making a legitimate claim at the title… This hypothetical season better culminate with him performing a show for Queen Elizabeth herself. Otherwise, give me an Action Bronson cooking show, or a show of him throwing fans off his stage at concerts.

Thursday, June 12
Gang Related (9pm, FOX)
Gang Related is to The Shield as The Following is to every murder police show on cable.

Friday, June 13
Vice (11pm, HBO, season finale)
The alt (do kids still call it that?) news magazine show ends for the year.

Saturday, June 14
In the Flesh (10pm, BBC America, season finale)
In the Flesh uses its fantastical science fiction premise (the dead come back to life, rehabilitated in society, tension occurs) to craft metaphors about how this world works, which makes it way more than a generic Walking Dead knockoff.

Sunday, June 15
Game of Thrones (9pm, HBO, season finale)
I still am in disbelief at how much Game of Thrones is this worldwide a phenomenon to be honest.

Superjail! (11:45pm, Adult Swim, season premiere)
Superjail! is equal parts ultra-violence and Tex Avery styled lunacy with a dash of David Wain as the titular Superjail!’s Willie Wonka-esqe warden.

See you next Monday!

Appealing TV: Justified, Mad Men, and Nurse Jackie

Still reeling from the How I Met Your Mother Finale? We understand, we totally understand. That’ll show us not to get emotionally invested in anything ever again, huh?

What the HIMYM finale unfortunately demonstrated was the danger in being absolutely beholden to an established mythos, leaving slender wiggle room to course-correct when someone as enchanting as Cristin Milioti joins your cast. The opposite: something like LOST, which was derided for not knowing what the endgame was from the start. Let this be a lesson for all of us! If anything, this final season was really just a season of America falling in love with Cristin Milioti, who needs her own sitcom, STAT.

So, what else is on?

Monday, April 7
NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship (6pm, CBS)
After countless lost dollars in productivity, number 7 ranked Connecticut and number 8 ranked Kentucky made it to the the Last Dance (I don’t know if they call the final game that, but if the entire tournament is referred to as the Big Dance, then yes, I can make a Donna Summer reference). After this game, using fairy tale narratives to explain men’s basketball are over and gender polarity is re-normalized.

Kitchen Casino (9pm, Food Network, series premiere)
You’ve already seen this show. It’s another faceless cooking competition show on the network that forced Guy Fieri on us, only with a casino/gambling theme. Much like every awful casino night school fundraiser you ever went to! Hosted by Bill Rancic, of ‘hey you were the first winner of the Apprentice’ fame and ‘oh hey you’re married to that one E! reporter and you were on that reality show with her’ fame. The only reason this is included this week is because the pilot episode is named ‘High Steaks’ and get it a steak is food, and it sounds like stakes, which is what people talk about when gambling! (Also note: The pilot episode of Good Eats was named ‘Steak Your Claim’ so steak puns are absolutely established in the Food Network wheelhouse.)

Tuesday, April 8
Justified (9pm, FX, season finale)
Michael Rapaport’s southern “drawl” as small time Florida crime patriarch Darryl Crowe Jr. this season has been sufficiently lodged into my dome piece for the rest of time. The highly acclaimed FX drama ends its penultimate season doing what Justified does best (as setup with last week’s penultimate episode), a bunch of people with multiple agenda on a collision course as every quip and retort falls like shell casings. This season has felt a little shaggy dog and jam session-y with themes from previous seasons re-explored (familial bonds, carpetbagging, being full of bullshit), but much like pizza, even when Justified isn’t great, it’s still really, really good. Note to self: Before Justified wraps up next year, buy a Stetson.

Wednesday, April 9
Women of Homicide (9pm, TLC, series premiere)
The fact that TLC’s Women of Homicide is about female homicide detectives, and not the same true crime porn drivel about WOMEN. WHO. KILL. that Investigation Discovery spews out every broadcasting minute gets it a pass from me. Just please, please, just let them be good at their jobs, and have well adjusted personal lives.

Thursday, April 10
Suits (9pm, USA, season finale)
With USA cancellation of White Collar, Psych’s ending a couple of weeks ago, and the series finale of Burn Notice last autumn, is the light and breezy legal drama USA’s new shine show? Will it help champion a new age of shows on the network, which is light and breezy, but with a veneer of smarts? And not just riffs on 80′s shows? Which wasn’t bad at all, trust. On that note, hey, just saying, the time is ripe for a Silk Stalkings reboot.

UPDATE: It is not so much that White Collar is getting canceled in the immediate sense, but White Collar is getting a truncated six-episode season as its last hurrah, as per Deadline’s reports.

The Challenge: Free Agents (10pm, MTV, season finale)
The Real World/Road Rules Challenge used to mean something (remember when Puck hosted the second season in 1999 in San Francisco?). Now just known as the Challenge, all it is is a way for juice heads and drunkards to make money in between going on the club hosting circuit. This season’s theme/gimmick/subtitle is Free Agents. Which reminds me of the dumb ass names MMA promotions would name their events.

Friday, April 11
The Neighbors (8:30pm, ABC, season finale)
The fact that the much derided sci-fi sitcom (which used its negative press in its own promotion) made it past the culling of last year’s television season is confounding enough. The fact that the sci-fi sitcom was able to make to the end of a second season in its Friday Night Death Slot placement is almost inspirational. Or baffling. No word on if we will be talking about this show in the fall for a third go around, but honestly? That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

Saturday, April 12
Death Clique (8pm, Lifetime)
When in doubt on Saturday night, chances are that Lifetime will be airing one of its own movies. I don’t even know what to call this genre (besides Lifetime Movies), but they are like b-movies for true life events? Death Clique is based on a true story. Which must be about a clique. THAT KILLS.

Sunday, April 13
2014 MTV Movie Awards (9pm, MTV)
Growing up in the 90′s, the MTV Movie Awards meant that the school year was ending and that summer was an optimistic inevitability. Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo’s hosting duties in 1996 will live on forever in my mind. The MTV Movie Awards are now really just a shill parade for hashtags and Pepsi and reboots and adaptations of movies already made. And I could sit here and decry and snark and smarm, but maybe it’s better to internalize that this isn’t for me anymore, and that’s okay. But at least Conan O’Brien is hosting this year.

Nurse Jackie (9pm, Showtime, season premiere)
Edie Falco’s darkly comic (although Falco maintains that she isn’t funny) portrayal of the titular New York City nurse, and her struggles with addiction, sobriety, and the high wire act of looking sober while actually not has already been re-up’d for a seventh season.

Mad Men (10pm, AMC, season premiere)
Much like a clingy significant other who cannot let go because they know their prospects out in the world won’t get any better, AMC will be splitting up the final season of the acclaimed period drama into two parts. So while this is the boozy, womanizing, existential show’s last season, the actual series finale will not air until next year. While you count down the end of the 60′s in the Mad Man universe, marvel at some of the posters legendary graphic designer Milton Glaser designed for the show’s final hurrah. Also, ICYMI, here is a 25 year old Jon Hamm on the USA dating show “the Big Date” hosted by perennial host Mark L. Walberg.

See you next Monday!

Appealing TV: Home Run Derby, Whose Line is it Anyway, Honey Boo Boo, and Blast Vegas

Cory Monteith, 31 better known as Finn Hudson on FOX’s Glee was found dead in his room at the Fairmount Pacific Hotel in Vancouver on Saturday. The cause of death was not given.

So leave it to CTV, by way of journalist/former Reuters Deputy Social Media Editor Matthew Keys to let us know that Monteith’s last tweet was explaining what a Sharknado is:

Hat tip to stand-up comedian/friend in real life, Mimi Vilmenay for the heads up.

So, what else is on?

Monday, July 15
Home Run Derby (8pm ET, ESPN)
In the wake of Tim Lincecum pitching a no-hitter against the San Diego Padres on Saturday, I am feeling compelled to write about sports aside from competitive eating and Mixed Martial Arts.

But really, I’m just going to use this as a reason to talk about MTV’s Rock N’ Jock series. Here’s a list from MTV published in 2010 detailing the best Rock N’ Jock All-Stars of all time. And here is an Onion article announcing Bill Bellamy’s induction into Rock N’ Jock’s Basketball Hall of Fame. Onion or not, the Rock N’ Jock Basketball Hall of Fame really does exist. Albeit in my garage, and it really is just a pile of FOX’s Fastlane (starring Peter Facinelli, Bill Bellamy, and Tiffani Thiessen) DVDs.

Back to the Home Run Derby, with it taking place in New York, I’m gonna assume the actual start time for us Best Coasters is 5pm. Temporal mechanics!

Tuesday, July 16
Whose Line is it Anyway? (8pm, The CW, season premiere)
Finally, the show that made high school theater nerds and families across the country go ‘lol’ comes back with the dark and gritty reboot we’ve all been waiting for. Hosted by San Francisco native and comedy dynamo Aisha Tyler (Archer, and host of podcast Girl on Guy) with returning Whose Liners Ryan Stiles, Wayne Brady and Colin Mochrie.

Covert Affairs (9pm, USA, season premiere)
Sexy spies by way of Piper Perabo and Peter Gallagher eyebrows by way of Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows. Part one in a two part Tuesday night USA blue sky television block.

Suits (10pm, USA, season premiere)
Part two in a two part Tuesday night USA blue sky television block. Holy shit, did USA really cut its Suits season premiere trailer as a Game of Thrones parody? I thought this was a fanmade video at first, and USA probably got a random Suits/Game of Thrones fan to cut this for them, but wow. Slow clap, USA.

Wednesday, July 17
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (9pm, TLC, season premiere)
Season two of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo opens with a watch-and-sniff stunt incorporated by the producers. Typing that sentence means that as a society we have officially flown too close to the sun.

But hey, for all the low-hanging fruit shit people give Honey Boo Boo, it might just be the most honest portrayal of a loving family on TV. Well, more honest than Modern Family, I suppose.

Thursday, July 18
Project Runway (9pm, Lifetime, season premiere)
I only watched season three of Project Runway, and for the following year prefaced any and all fashion related thoughts with ‘as someone who watched a season of Project Runway.’ It was a dark period for me.

Blast Vegas (9pm, SyFy)
While almost certainly not replicating the magic that Sharknado had (at least on social media, not so much in actual ratings), Blast Vegas is another SyFy B movie starring Frankie Muniz and BARRY MOTHERFUCKERING BOSTWICK (Rocky Horror Picture Show, Spin City, but more importantly, the underrated 80′s classic MEGAFORCE). Blast Vegas answers the question, “what happens when a bunch of bros accidentally unleash an Egyptian curse in Las Vegas?”

Friday, July 19
Teen Beach Movie (8pm, Disney)
I can only assume that from the title, this is a movie about the 2008 financial meltdown.

Saturday, July 20
Celebrity Ghost Stories (9pm, Bio, season finale)
What’s better than a ghost story? A ghost story told by a celebrity, of course. Because while celebrities are just like you or me, they remain empirically better than the rest of us. So that’s why when celebrities fall on hard times, it is way easier for them to bank on the fact that maybe since they were on a couple of Eight is Enough episodes in 1980 they can now get on shows like Celebrity Ghost Story to try to re-enter the national conversation, and enter a fourth, fifth, or sixth act in their professional career.

In honor of Barry Bostwick starring in Blast Vegas on, here is a clip of him talking about seeing a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost boy in the v-v-v-v-v-v-vacation home. (Bio won’t let me e-e-e-e-e-e-mbed videos.)

Sunday, July 21
Sister Wives (9pm, TLC, season premiere)
Part one in a two part TLC religious fringe manufactured reality television block.

Breaking Amish (10pm, TLC, season premiere)
Part two in a two part TLC religious fringe manufactured reality television block.

- Community has become a show whose sole purpose is to toy with our emotions. The beloved cult show consistently on the brink has seen showrunner Dan Harmon get fired, then re-hired, Chevy Chase’s departute, and now news comes that Donald Glover will only be appearing in five of next season’s the thirteen episodes.

- I guess I have to face the reality that Happy Endings is not coming back next season, since Damon Wayans Jr might return to New Girl. Savvy viewers may remember Wayans’ Coach character as one of the leads in the show’s pilot, done during Happy Endings’ purgatory state between seasons one and two. When Happy Endings got the go-ahead for season two, Wayans was written out of New Girl, and was replaced by Lamorne Morris.

- New season of Arrested Development being talked about? Sure!

See you next week!