Tag Archives: Hart of Dixie

Appealing TV: Finale? More Like Finally, Am I Right?

In the lead-up to this week’s network advertiser upfronts (FOX’s and NBC’s are today, in fact), Friday was hit with a deluge of cancelation news. At the center of this wave was NBC’s Community, which after five seasons has finally ended its run. The announcement sent shockwaves through the #sixseasonsandamovie campus, soothed only by talk of Uncle Netflix perhaps buying the rights to the show. Also, earlier last week, military themed Enlisted was officially canceled, a show I wrote about and rallied for in this very column. There was a truly morbid curiosity on this end, waiting to see which shows will return in the fall, and which ones were mercifully destroyed. Overall, it felt like the Klendathu casualty board in Starship Troopers. To those shows who didn’t make it, I’ll see you at tha crossroads, so you won’t be lonely.

So goes the business of television. Shows gets canceled before their time, end up as listicle fodder for shows you should binge watch over a holiday weekend, new shows come in looking for our love and affection and not too much smarm, the cycle repeats. In order to get ready for this week’s upfronts, you should familiarize yourself with Andy Greenwald’s scouting report for the latest crop of network pilots. Your new favorite show could be in there. Or maybe it’ll be something so eminently mockable we’ll all light an ironic funeral pyre to laugh at it in the next life (looking at you, ABC’s Mixology). For a complete list of what’s been canceled, renewed, and will be debuting next season, check out The Futon Critic.

Due to the bulk of season enders this week, you’ll have to excuse the abbreviated listing format (although the way I see it, if you weren’t going to watch in September, what is going to want to make you want to watch now, at the end?). An asterisk denotes that the show has been canceled.

So, what else is on?

Monday, May 12
The Blacklist (10pm, NBC, season finale)
I guess all it takes to be renewed at NBC is to have James Spader chew up scenery. Also, don’t be anything else on NBC.
Star-Crossed (8pm, The CW, season finale*)
Castle(10pm, ABC, season finale)

Tuesday, May 13
Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (8pm, ABC, season finale)
Most of the first season of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD felt like wearing a child sized Avengers t-shirt your out of touch aunt gave you because you took your younger nephews to see Iron Man 3. The last few episodes showed a rally and resurgence, as arguably the most-hyped show of this television season started to find its groove. Help from the second Captain America movie worked wonders, forcing the show to finally tie in to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which was the rub of the show all along. Along with a pickup of Agent Carter for next season, maybe season two of SHIELD can finally become the show we wanted it to be all along.

Riot (9pm, FOX, series premiere)
Sketch comedy at a twenty-two degree angle makes it funnier, much how like eating in a revolving restaurant makes the food taste better. It’s physics, everybody. Produced by Steve Carrell.

Glee(8pm, FOX, season finale)
NCIS (8pm, CBS, season finale)
NCIS Los Angeles (9pm, CBS, season finale)
The Originals (8pm, The CW, season finale)
From Dusk ‘Till Dawn: The Series (9pm, El Rey Network, season finale)
The Goldbergs (9pm, ABC, season finale)
Trophy Wife (9:30pm, ABC, season finale*)
Chicago Fire (10pm, NBC, season finale)
Person of Interest (10pm, CBS, season finale)

Wednesday, May 14
Nashville (10pm, ABC, season finale)
What I appreciate most about Nashville is its call and response style of writing, where each soapy episode is really just a way for every character to get paired up with each other as whatever melodramatic situation gets introduced and resolved in the next episode to continue the cycle. The country music interludes weren’t as great this season, as original music supervisor T Bone Burnett left (I guess to work on True Detective).

Arrow(8pm, The CW, season finale)
Suburgatory (8:30pm, ABC, season finale*)
Criminal Minds (9pm, CBS, season finale)
Legit (10:30pm, FXX, season finale)

Thursday, May 15
The Big Bang Theory (8pm, CBS, season finale)
Much like politics and religion, it is not polite to discuss the Big Bang Theory at the dinner table. Because you might have a person wearing a Bazinga shirt under their trench coat next to the person who edited the Big Bang Theory without laugh track video.

Loiter Squad (11:59pm, Adult Swim, season premiere)
Granted, Tyler The Creator and the Odd Future was still in middle school in 2002, but I distinctly remember a conversation in my sophomore English class in 2002 about why there were no black people in the main cast of Jackass. Loiter Squad could have helped us sidestep the entire conversation, as the sketch comedy show is produced by Dickhouse Productions, the same the people that brought us Jackass.

The Millers (8:30, CBS, season finale)
Elementary (10pm, CBS, season finale)
The Vampire Diaries (8pm, The CW, season finale)
Reign (9pm, The CW, season finale)
Grey’s Anatomy (9pm, ABC, season finale)
Rosemary’s Baby (9pm, NBC, series finale)

Friday, May 16
Shark Tank (8pm, ABC, season finale)
Grimm(9pm, NBC, season finale)
Hart of Dixie (9pm, The CW, season finale)
Kitchen Nightmares (9pm, FOX, season finale)

Saturday, May 17
Saturday Night Live (11:30pm, NBC, season finale)
Andy Sandberg returns like a conquering hero to his alma mater to host the season finale of SNL, wearing his Golden Globe from Brooklyn Nine-Nine around his neck. He’s brought the goddess St. Vincent along with him as musical guest. We should all be so blessed.

Sunday, May 18
FOX
Bob’s Burgers (7pm, FOX, season finale)
Bob’s Burgers is a giddy celebration of weirdness and weirdos and misfits while still possessing an emotional core that is totally earned and not cloying at all. Not too dissimilar from early Simpsons! Also, Bob’s Burgers is about butts.

American Dad (7:30pm, FOX, season finale)
The Simpsons (8pm, FOX, season finale)
Family Guy (8:30pm, FOX, season finale)

Mr. Selfridge (9pm, PBS, season finale)
How many people who watched Mr. Selfridge will also be watching the in-production Entourage movie? Another question to ponder: how many people watched Mr. Selfridge because of Jeremy Piven’s performance in Entourage? If it’s not clear, I would very much like to see a venn diagram of people who watch Mr. Selfridge and Entourage.

CBS
The Good Wife (9pm, CBS, season finale)
So I haven’t seen an episode of The Good Wife yet, but if this Tumblr .gifset is to be believed, then according to Broad City and The Mindy Project, The Good Wife is a show about “men pleasuring themselves to Julianna Margulies.”

The Mentalist (10pm, CBS, season finale)
According to Party Down, The Mentalist is a show you’re supposed to watch with your significant other, ergo I know nothing about The Mentalist, besides being surprised this was still on.

See you next Monday!

Appealing TV: Chozen, American Idol, And Even More Flowers in the Attic

This year’s Golden Globes was my version of the 49ers/Panthers game. How about them Globes, though? Get your celebrity snark in? Look at us, using Twitter like the world’s water cooler. Shoutouts to Amy Poehler’s and Brooklyn 99′s wins.

So, what else is on?

Monday, January 13
American Ninja Warrior USA vs Japan (8pm, NBC)
Leftovers from this past season from American Ninja Warrior, chosen to incite lighthearted nationalistic jingoism. Maybe settle some scores that a little novel called Rising Sun may have raised? The best athletes from this season of American Ninja Warrior and their counterparts from the original Japanese version of the show will run through a giant obstacle course. For honor. For glory. For flags. For etc.

Archer(10pm, FX, season premiere)
The fifth season of the spy cartoon will be a reboot for the high-brow/high-brow spy series. Something known as ‘Archer Vice’ will involve a shake-up in its first episode. And it will involve a bunch of cocaine. People might be able to guess where this is going.

Chozen (10:30pm, FX, series premiere)
From the minds who brought you Eastbound and Down and Archer, here’s a white gay rapper recently released from prison, trying to make it in the music business. Voices by Bobby Monihan, Hannibal Buress, Michael Pena, Method Man, Kathryn Hahn, and Nick Swardson.

This is on FX actual instead of FXX, because FX actually wants people to watch this.

RETURNING:
Hart of Dixie (8pm, CW)
How I Met Your Mother (8pm, CBS)
Lost Girl (8pm, Sy Fy, season premiere)
Switched at Birth (8pm, ABC Family)
2 Broke Girls (8:30pm, CBS)
Beauty and the Beast (9pm, CW)
Being Human (9pm. Sy Fy, season premiere)
Brain Games (9pm, National Geographic, season premiere)
The Fosters (9pm, ABC Family)
Mike and Molly (9pm, CBS)
Sleepy Hollow (9pm, FOX)
The Blacklist (10pm, NBC)

Tuesday, January 14
Friday Night Tykes (9pm, Esquire, series premiere)
I bet whoever at Esquire that came up with the name for this show gave themselves scoliosis patting themselves so hard on the back. Pee-wee football in Texas. Friday Night Light Babies. Texas’s new chief export is documentaries chronicling football exploits within its borders.

RETURNING:
The Originals (8pm, CW)
Face Off (9pm, Sy Fy)
NCIS: Los Angeles (9pm, CBS)
Supernatural (9pm, CW)
Kroll Show (10:30pm, Comedy Central, season premiere)

Wednesday, January 15
American Idol (8pm, FOX, season premiere)
Twelve years later, and American Idol is trying to get to believe in a kinder, gentler American Idol. An Idol that wants to nudge us into the warm and fuzzy feeling of breaking new talent. Not breaking the spirit of awful and delusional audition types. Our judges for this year are Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, and Harry Connick Jr.

Ok, sure.

Suburgatory (8:30pm, ABC, season premiere)
ABC knows a thing or two about families and sitcoms. This delightful (like a Werther’s Original) show makes its midseason return. Did you know star Jane Levy was raised in Marin County? Speaking of, put your Jeremy Sisto/Jane Levy fan fiction away. Suburatgory is not that kind of show. The incest is coming later in this column.

Duck Dynasty (10pm, A&E, season premiere)
Ok, ok, you already know the score, and I shouldn’t write more about the return of this show any more than I have to.

RETURNING:
Arrow (8pm, CW)
Melissa and Joey (8pm, ABC Family)
Baby Daddy (8:30pm, ABC Family)
Criminal Minds (9pm, CBS)
The Tomorrow People (9pm, CW)
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (10pm, CBS)
Jim Rome on Showtime (10pm, Showtime)
Men at Work (10pm, TBS, season premiere)
Nashville (10pm, ABC)

Thursday, January 16
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (9pm, TLC, season premiere)
A few days ago, the Thompson family, the stars of the TLC reality program got into a car accident. And it was scary for them! And Alana Thompson, the titular Honey Boo Boo suffered a headache. That’s all you really need to know, I guess.

RETURNING:
Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory (11pm, MTV, season premiere)

Friday, January 17
Cold Justice (8pm, TNT, season premiere)
What’s cooler than being cool? COLD JUSTICE
What’s cooler than being cool? OUTKAST REUNION AT COACHELLA
What’s cooler than being cool? ROLLING YOUR EYES AT POLAR VORTEX JOKES

(thank you for indulging me)

This reality series from TNT has a former criminal investigator and prosector going around America solving unsolved cases. Like an Incredible Hulk of justice not served.

RETURNING:
Undercover Boss (8pm, CBS)
Real Time with Bill Maher (10pm, HBO)

Saturday, January 18
Flowers in the Attic (8pm, Lifetime)
Heather Graham stars in this all too unnecessary re-adaptation of the 1979 book and 1987 movie starring Kristy Swanson. Remember: Incest is wincest!

The Moaning of Life (10pm, Science)
I thought this was was a cheeky show about sex, but instead it’s a continuation of Karl Pilkington’s travelogue misadventures, those that began with An Idiot Abroad. Karl Pilkington, known as the buffoon of a co-host/producer on The Ricky Gervais Show, is staring middle age in the face and will confront it the only way he knows how, by traveling.

Sunday, January 19
Sherlock (10pm, PBS, season premiere)
Well, it’s on PBS for people who didn’t already, uh, find alternative means to catch this season’s episode that aired in the UK a couple of weeks ago. Seeing that it is PBS, I reckon it is for the over fifty set who think that Tumblr is something you put rocks in. You know the deal, Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman embody the public domain Sir Arthur Doyle characters, scripted by Doctor Who scribe Steven Moffat and cast member/co-creator Mark Gatiss. Let the Tumblr .gifs appear, and people resume talking about getting pregnant by Mr. Cumberbatch’s sexy gaze.

#Richkids of Beverly Hills (10pm, E)
I decided to indulge the new E reality series’ stylized hashtag, as kind of a reminder of the absurdity of the convergence of privilege and oversharing (Peep the Rich Kids of Instagram Tumblr). Sure, it’d be easy to turn our nose up in disgust at the tone-deaf indulgences of the spawn of the rich. But me? I crack a smile. Do you want to really enact social change? Murder the parents of these rich kids in order to create an entire generation of wealthy vigilantes bent on justice.

The Following (10:30pm, FOX, season premiere)
The Kevin Bacon helmed schlockfest returns from an improbable second season. The first season was akin to watching a child put on their parents’ clothes and pretend to be cool adults. Its wanton deployment of violence sans any real character or plot was a childish, cynical, dour, and hollow exercise in trying to mimic its more mature and cooler basic cable cousins.

Looking (10:30pm, HBO, series premiere)
Imagine Girls, but with dudes, and in San Francisco instead of New York. /blithe

Cue dated mid 90′s ‘West Side is the Best Side’, ironic gangster posturing, and maybe California Love.

More importantly, will Jonathan Groff be hanging dong in Looking, and a year from now at the TCA Winter Press Tour, Tim Molloy will ask Groff why he’s hanging so much dong, and everybody will get frothed into an uproar? Also, Scott Bakula stars, which gives me another chance to say ‘Al, why haven’t I leaped yet’ out loud.

RETURNING:
Keeping Up with the Kardashians (9pm, E)

See you Next Monday!

Appealing TV: The Walking Dead, Witches in NOLA, and The CW Gonna CW

And the first casualty of the 2013 – 2014 television season is ABC’s lottery winner drama, Lucky 7, starring Isiah Whitlock Jr, better known as The Wire’s Clay Davis. Cue up SHEEEIITTTT reaction .gif in 3, 2, 1:

In its place? Reruns of Scandal.

This week, bringing up the rear, is The CW with its non-vampiric television offerings for the fall.

So, what else is on?

Monday, October 7
Hart of Dixie (8pm, CW, season premiere)
The big city girl in a small town dramedy starring The OC’s/Magnum Ice Cream commercial‘s Rachel Bilson returns for a third season.

Beauty and the Beast (9pm, CW, season premiere)
The original Beauty and the Beast starring Linda Hamiltion and Ron Perlman came out one year after my birth, so you’ll have to excuse my limited knowledge of it. But from what I’ve seen of the original show, and from what I’ve seen of the reboot starring Smallville’s Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan, I can imagine this is how people who decried the Battlestar Galactica remake must have felt.

From the Wikipedia description of Jay Ryan’s beast character: “He has the ability to turn into a creature very human-like in appearance yet has a beastly mind, he turns into the creature whenever he is in pain or anger.”

THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING YOU CHEAT.

I don’t wanna start any blasphemous rumors, but I think that this getting to a second season shows that the television gods have a sick sense of humor.

Tuesday, October 8
Supernatural (9pm, CW, season premiere)
Never underestimate the staying power of two good looking guys hunting demons in 1967 Impala.

Wednesday, October 9
Arrow (8pm, CW, season premiere)
The CW’s show based on DC’s Green Arrow returns for a second season.

The Tomorrow People (9pm, CW, series premiere)
The Tomorrow People was originally a 70′s children’s show that aired on UK’s ITV, which was then rebooted in the early 90′s (unlike 80′s Beauty and the Beast, I do remember this), and was again rebooted in the early aughts as a series of audio plays. For its fourth incarnation, this time on The CW, the show does feature the same conceits (teenagers discovering they are the latest step in human evolution, developing powers), only in a sexy teen fashion that will leave room for plenty of melodrama. As you do on when you’re on The CW.

Ghost Hunters (9pm, SyFy, season premiere)
“Did you hear that? What was that? That is insane!” – loop for forty-five minutes in a dark room, and you have pretty much every episode of Ghost Hunters ever.

American Horror Story: Coven (10pm, FX, season premiere)
The third season of Ryan Murphy’s horror anthology season (characters from previous seasons do not reappear, although the same actors may reappear as completely different characters) focuses on witches in New Orleans. Jessica Lange and Sarah Paulson from seasons one and two return. Joining her this season are Angela Bassett, Kathy Bates, Frances Conroy, Emma Roberts, Gabourey Sidibe, and Lily Rabe. Treme must be feeling like the Hydrox of television shows set in New Orleans.

Less Than Kind (10:30pm, Audience, season premiere)
The family-drama-comedy set in Winnipeg begins its final season. It really is great television, with loads of pathos and humor. Character actor Maury Chaykin was a lead before his sudden death in 2010. Executive Produced by Kids in the Hall’s Mark McKinney (who also worked on the Canadian comedy Slings and Arrows). The “only” way to see this is on DirecTV’s Audience Network.

Thursday, October 10
Once Upon A Time In Wonderland (8pm, ABC, series premiere)
Riffing on the tale of Alice in Wonderland, the Once Upon A Time spin-off has the voice of John Lithgow as the White Rabbit and LOST’s Naveen Andrews as Jafar, which really just looks like the single most unfortunate cosplay ever.

Friday, October 11
Bridezillas (9pm, WE, series finale)
But how is Walt going to use the M60? (No, I’m not going to stop using Breaking Bad to describe series finales).

Saturday, October 12
Vanilla Ice Goes Amish (10pm, DIY, series premiere)
This show is the warmed over remains of celebrity fascination, combined with our passing interest in the Amish. This show is exactly what it sounds like, with Vanilla Ice learning craftsmanship from the Amish. Here’s a series of clips of the show set to an acoustic cover of Ice Ice Baby, because of course.

Sunday, October 13
The Walking Dead (9pm, AMC, season premiere)
Hey people with Twitter! Keep tweeting your dumbass ideas for spin-offs of shows you currently watch, because it looks like television executives are starting to listen! Because they’ve run out of ideas, and they know you’d probably watch already! I blame you for the plan to split the final season of Mad Men into two parts, the Better Call Saul Breaking Bad spin-off/prequel, and a concurrent Walking Dead spin-off featuring characters who already exist in the show.

Season four of the sometimes capable of brilliance zombie show kicks off with new showrunner Scott Gimple (who wrote the best episode of the series, season three’s Clear). Joining the cast is D’Angelo Barksdale himself, Lawrence Gilliard Jr. Aw man Dee, why did you end up in a prison again? (Wire season two spoilers, but c’mon yall)

Be sure to have your “snarky” Chris Hardwick tweets ready, as Talking Dead returns as well!

See you next Monday!