Season finales are what it’s all about this week, so I’m making it easy, with a day-by-day breakdown of this week’s batch of endings, with some bonus offerings thrown in here and there…
Monday May 14th
8 P.M.:
“How I Met Your Mother”: On the one-hour finale, Lily goes into labor, Marshall and Barney try to make it back home in time for the birth, and we’re supposed to find out who Barney will be marrying in that wedding we saw all the way back at the beginning of the season. And no, it’s not Their Mother. OR IS IT? CBS
“Gossip Girl”: For the love of Bass, will Chuck and Blair just get married already and put every one out of their misery? CW
“Bones”: A serial killer returns! Fox
9 P.M.
“Two and a Half Men”: The improbable season comes to an end, and it looks like this show will continue to live its improbable life next year. Winning? CBS
“Hart of Dixie,” 9 P.M. A storm approaches, threatening a wedding. CW
9:30 P.M.
“Mike and Molly”: Mike and Molly get married, and no I’m not going to make a big fat wedding joke. CBS
10 P.M.
“Hawaii Five-0”: Crimes are solved! CBS
“Smash”: The musical within the musical continues its preview performance in Boston, most likely without its star. Which means more fighting between the previous dueling Marilyns. Unless someone gets POISONED again! NBC
Bonus Viewing: The cast of “Mad Men” gathers on the “Inside the Actor’s Studio” stage. I can’t wait to hear James Lipton ask Kiernan Shipka what her favorite swear word is. 7 P.M. on Bravo.
Tuesday May 15th
8 P.M.
“Cougar Town”: The series comes to an end…at least on ABC. They’ve been picked up by TBS for a fourth season and I just hope TBS treats them better than ABC has, because it’s a great show. And tonight: A wedding! ABC
“90210”: Tonight: A wedding! CW
“NCIS”: Tonight: A wedding! I hope! CBS
9 P.M.
“NCIS: Los Angeles”: Crimes! And maybe a wedding? CBS
10 P.M.
“Private Practice”: Pete’s charged with murder in the death of a patient; Addison coos at her baby. ABC
“Fashion Star”: The judging and “fashion shows” on this series never made any sense to me, as it seemed like people would lose over and over and still keep coming back week after week. But I guess someone will be crowned the “Fashion Star” in tonight’s finale. Or maybe they won’t, but will still come back next season? NBC
Bonus Viewing: President Obama is scheduled to visit the ladies of “The View.” Watch them all go apeshit…Well, almost all of them. 10 A.M. on ABC.
Wednesday May 16th
8:30 P.M.
“Suburgatory”: Yakult the dog speaks!…Wait. What? ABC.
9 P.M.
“Criminal Minds”: Hostages have a wedding! CBS
Bonus Viewing: Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about koala bears, but where afraid to ask, on a new episode of “Nature.” 9 P.M. on KQED.
Thursday May 17th
8 P.M.
“Missing”: I stopped watching, so I’m assuming she found her son, and most of the season has been about them happily traveling across Europe together. ABC
“Community”: This is the first of three “Community” episodes airing tonight, but, it being NBC, they couldn’t air them all back-to-back, as that would make too much sense. Instead, you get to watch one now, and then two more starting at 9 P.M. But at least the show’s been renewed for a (short) final season, so things ain’t all bad. NBC
8:30 P.M.
“Rules of Engagement”: Truthfully, I’m just amazed this is still on. CBS
“30 Rock”: Jack and Avery renew their vows, which is basically the same thing as…a wedding! NBC
9 P.M.
“Grey’s Anatomy”: Last week ended with a plane crash, and good news for survivors: almost everyone on board was a doctor! ABC
“Person of Interest”: Amy Acker guest stars in a role that will likely show up next season as well. CBS‘
“Community”: Hopefully you’ll be able to remember what happened 30 minutes ago, and continue with this evening’s finale. NBC
10 P.M.
“Scandal”: Last week, in a scene that was either a complete rip-off, or a loving tribute to the love scene in Steven Soderbergh’s Out of Sight, we learned about the night Olivia slept with the (then future) POTUS. And now that evening is coming back to bite them both on their (gorgeous) asses. ABC
“The Mentalist”: Red John! CBS
Friday May 18th
8 P.M.
“Shark Tank”: An energy drink for “cougars”? Sure, why not. ABC.
“Nikita”: Another show, another fictional POTUS. This one is mad as hell, and wants Nikita dead. CW
“Who Do You Think You Are?”: Hey y’all! Paula Deen’s lookin’ to fry up some of her ancestors! NBC
9 P.M.
“Supernatural”: It’s the battle of the freaky finales! In this one, demons and lots of blood…CW
“Grimm”:…and in this one, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio! NBC
Saturday May 19th
“Saturday Night Live”: Mick Jagger is host and musical guest in the finale of what might be the last seasons for Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, and Andy Samberg. (Although Andy might want to think that one over a bit…) NBC
Sunday May 20th
8 P.M.
“The Simpsons”: Lady Gaga comes to Springfield, looking only slightly more cartoonish than usual. Fox
“Harry’s Law”: The show’s been cancelled, so this is your last chance to watch Kathy Bates in a pantsuit. NBC
8:30 P.M.
“Bob’s Burgers”: I don’t care what happens on tonight’s finale, as long as it involves Louise screaming about something. And a wedding Fox
9 P.M.
“Family Guy”: Will this show ever end? Fox
“The Celebrity Apprentice”: Frankly, I’m still pissed about the firing of Lisa Lampanelli and Aubrey O’Day. That said, I hope Clay wins, because Arsenio’s weird and sexist outbursts this season have soured me on him for good. NBC
Bonus Viewing: Clint Eastwood’s wife has a reality show because, why not? Isn’t that a law now? That everyone who’s even vaguely famous, or just married to someone famous, gets to be on a reality show? “Mrs. Eastwood & Company” premieres at 10 P.M. on E!
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