Things San Franciscans Like: Putting Their Nasty Junk On The Sidewalk*

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Although it hasn't been as rigorously documented as something like gravity, it's a pretty well known fact that San Franciscans like to share.

They prefer restaurants where they can order several different dishes that come on little plates, and then pass those dishes around the table so everyone can "share them." I mean, why would you get the entrée that you really want and eat it all by yourself, when you could get that same entrée and have part of it, and then watch other people eat the rest? It's fun and European!

Possibly the best manifestation of this almost Eastern philosophy of collectivism and total connection with others is the act of leaving their used household items on the sidewalk for their San Francisco brethren and sistren, to take freely into their own apartments.

The level of generosity being displayed when a San Franciscan heaves his couch, mirror, or broken coffee pot onto the dirty sidewalk right as it starts to rain is actually pretty astounding. It is akin to a totally unknown artist painting a hideous picture, and then claiming it's a magic eye picture, where the invisible part is the word "Free." I mean how could you not? But also, how could you?

When a San Franciscan comes upon a dusty box of CDs in the attic, and uses the discs to make a shiny cairn next to a river because they've totally forgotten what these flattened circles are for, they are sometimes left with tons of empty jewel cases.

Instead of composting them (because they were made before the environment was invented), a San Franciscan will probably decide to put these now uselessly hinged pieces of plastic in a soaking wet cardboard box that they found in the basement of their building, set this box on the sidewalk a few doors down so no one will be able to connect them with all this Annie Lennox, and walk back inside feeling pretty good about themselves, and thinking something like, "Some people like containers for things where the thing has been removed, and the container is sorta broken, and that's the truth," or "That'll do pig. That'll do."

And the reality of the situation is that that WILL do pig, or book on Aristotle from college, or rotting sofa. That will do you Andy Goldsworthys of junk. That will do.

Photo illustration: Tim Ehhalt

*Original headline, Things San Franciscans like: putting their nasty junk on the sidewalk for other people to take into their apartment and get bedbugs, edited due to space constraints