Weekend Watch: These Are Not Recommendations

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Up in the Air -- Century Centre 9

This all came about because Jason Reitman saw the "single serving life" speech from Fight Club and decided it needed to go adult contemporary. This will be disappointing. But I like the trailer because it looks like someone got out of bed to make it. Website.

Armored -- AMC Metreon, Van Ness

Sometimes movies give you so much ammunition to make fun of them with that you're speechless. Matt Dillon is like a Russian weapons dealer's secret closet in this regard. But then they went and cast Jean Reno, who was so cool in The Professional and Ronin that he's still got another 5 years of 'we can't make fun of this guy' left on his contract, and Laurence Fishburne whose Matrix/Event Horizon combo still makes for one of the best pizza night double features. So fine. I won't make fun of it. But I am secretly hoping that all the marketing for this is a joke and that it's actually the beginning of a new genre, the middle-aged dance battle film. Fingers crossed. Website.

Brothers -- AMC Van Ness

I'll tell you the best argument I've ever heard for getting the army out of the middle east. It's these 'guy comes back from war' movies. Either a big black guy is in Iraq and comes home to racism or a Mexican guy is in Afghanistan and comes home to save his little brother from gang violence or a skinny white guy just starts waving a knife around. So sick of them. The whole world should be forced to watch all these movies in succession. As soon as it was over we'd be a big cuddle puddle. Website.

Old Dogs -- AMC Metreon, AMC Van Ness

6% on Rotten Tomatoes. 6%! Everything about this is perfect. We are going. All of us. Website.

The Shining -- The Clay (Fri & Sat, midnight)

Way to ruin tricycles for everyone, asshole.