Judy Greer and bloody tampons. I’m pretty sure this didn’t need to be made since the original is so great, but I don’t care, I’m seeing it. I’m skeptical that Chloe Grace Moretz can pull off the twisted, heartbreaking Carrie of Sissy Spacek, but it’s CARRIE. Dump blood on my head and let me burn this shithole to the ground. I’m there. (p.s. DIRTY PILLOWS!!)

The Fifth EstateEverywhere
Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange in a lukewarm thriller about WikiLeaks. I think this once and for all proves that tech movies are universally terrible and we should stop making them because nobody cares. Even my obsession with Cumberbatch — I have allowed myself to be called a Cumberbitch! On more than one occasion! — can’t save this movie, and that’s a sad thing to say about the state of the world today. Appeal contrib Violet Blue wrote a blistering review of it for ZDnet last month.

Escape PlanEverywhere
Great, it’s another OLD GUYS DOING THINGS THEY COULDN’T POSSIBLY REALLY DO. If you want to see Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger being all botoxed out and pretending to fly fighter jets and fuck 16-year-olds, get into it. Also, is this a genre now? The Extra Capable and Tough Super Old Guys movie? Because if I have to watch Schwarzenegger pretend to be able to run one more time SO HELP ME GOD. Eve liked it, though (reasonable people can disagree!), here’s her review.

After TillerRoxie
This documentary follows the only four doctors in the United States who perform third trimester abortions. It’s a heartbreaking, harrowing look at who these brave people are and the women they serve — women that are often in seemingly impossible situations. If you feel like having your heart broken and also getting fist-shaking angry about how fucked up it is to be a woman in this country, I’ll see you there. I will bring bras to burn (or trade, depending on your size).

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