Adore – Kabuki
Robin Wright-Penn and Naomi Watts play two Australian old hagathas who fall in love with each other’s hot surfer sons. Sounds really good, right? WRONG. How is this movie boring? HOW? I want to watch Robin Wright-Penn and Naomi Watts seduce 18-year-olds and traipse all over down under both literally and (obtusely) figuratively. Except I don’t because it’s so slow and yawn and blah. WHAT WENT WRONG? Someone who was on set pls advise.
Riddick – Everywhere
Goofy, cornball, super violent fun. Riddick is an interstellar bounty hunter badass who everyone loves to hate. And hates to love. It’s some of Vin Diesel’s best work and you’ll probably watch it on a plane one day.
Spark: A Burning Man Story – Roxie
If you need to relive Burning Man — or, more likely, the magic that is a Burner-free San Francisco — you won’t want to miss Spark! Instead of letting your so-called friends regale you with stories of doing drugs and fucking (in tents!), you can take them to this movie and then sneak out to Dalva and get drunk and then come back and be like SO GLAD WE TALKED ABOUT BURNING MAN NIGHT NIGHT. (Alternate plan: If you went to Burning Man, you can bring your non-Burner friends to the movie to piss them off really badly because fuck them, what’s better than doing drugs and fucking in tents?)