This whole waxing your pubic hair thing has to be a shortlived fad, right?

People have told me “It’s cleaner!” I have to wonder, have they heard of soap? Ripping out your pubic hair so that your ladyparts are “cleaner” is like having your arm amputated so that your arm pit will be cleaner.

I just can’t imagine ripping all the hair off my vagina for someone. If the guy I’m with wants to sleep with a prepubescent girl he should go to jail, not to my private parts.

Seriously, men will fuck mud. I’ve had men who I respect highly tell me that. So if you have to wax your pubic hair to please a man sex-wise, there is something wrong with him. And for being with him? You.

Trust me, I know. I got waxed once and it was the most painful experience I’ve ever had, including abdominal surgery.

So instead of putting yourself through all that pain for some guy, learn to love yourself. Being single is awesome, if you get lonely move in with other single people. You can even marry a friend and adopt a kid if you want. THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER OPTIONS THAN BEING WITH A GUY WHO WANTS YOU BALD!!!

Anyhow, with my certainty that women will soon wise up and stop torturing themselves for damaged men, I hereby offer solutions to women while they grow out their natural pubic hair.

What says fun like a fake moustache?

moustache

Or “Come Play” like astroturf?

astroTurg

Or do you both like the 80’s? How about a salute to ZZ Top?

ZZTop

In any case, please stop sacrificing yourself for some weird fad and instead revel in your natural beauty.

Anything less is for pussies.

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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  • Pontifikate

    This is hysterical and I’m so glad someone said it. Useful suggestions!

    • Babe Scanlon

      THanks!

  • Pontifikate

    This is hysterical and I’m so glad someone said it. Useful suggestions!

    • Babe Scanlon

      THanks!

  • marla

    I am now, officially, in love with you. The end.

  • marla

    I am now, officially, in love with you. The end.

  • Anzelmo de Yermosa

    I like boys, but I don’t like hair in my mouth all the same.
    So sue me.

  • Anzelmo de Yermosa

    I like boys, but I don’t like hair in my mouth all the same.
    So sue me.

  • OzzDaZlut

    I love hair on my men, I can’t stand when they shave or trim.

  • OzzDaZlut

    I love hair on my men, I can’t stand when they shave or trim.

  • Karen Elizabeth McMichael

    Here’s a novel idea: how about we stop shaming each other for our grooming choices? I don’t particularly care what the people I’m dating choose to do with their body hair. It’s their choice. I’ll pick hair out of my teeth if I must. But I *choose* to shave everything below my eyes, because that’s *my preference*. Even when I was single, with no anticipation of anyone seeing my unclothed form, I preferred to remain clean-shaven. It’s not a “sacrifice” and it’s not for some “weird fad”. Shaming someone else because they have different aesthetic preferences from yours is some grade-school bully nonsense, NOT the attitude of a mature adult.

    • Babe Scanlon

      I agree. As long as people are doing it as their own preference. I’ve known too many people who have done it because of pressure. Also I fear the infantilization of women’s sexuality.

    • Babe Scanlon

      But I do think that voicing an opinion is not the same as shaming.

      • Karen Elizabeth McMichael

        The assumption that I am doing this “for some man”, that it is “torture”, and that either myself or my partner must be “damaged” for enjoying this? That’s not just “voicing an opinion”, that’s outright body-shaming.

        I have dated (and had sex with) women who shaved/waxed absolutely everything, and with women who let it all grow long, and with everything in-between. I’ve dated (and had sex with) men who pluck out every hair, and men who can only be described as “fuzzy” (yes, my current lover has back hair — and I love touching his body anyway). What I have NO interest in is someone who tells me that however I choose to groom is “unnatural” and “damaged”.

    • Wes

      Yes, it was such an original idea to be “clean”-shaven and now it is your preference..but 20 years ago women chose not to be “clean”-shaven. During college, all women had huge, ungroomed, bushes. Men were not complaining nor were women embarrassed to let you pull those panties down to see their hair garden. The last 10 years, at least 3 women apologized to me before the deed because they did not wax sufficiently. Waxing sucks because it strips (pun) the joy out of spontaneous f-ing. I used to love to see what was below – is she a real blonde, is she red everywhere? Now, forget it..it is so premeditated. Lucky that my girl grows it out.

  • Karen Elizabeth McMichael

    Here’s a novel idea: how about we stop shaming each other for our grooming choices? I don’t particularly care what the people I’m dating choose to do with their body hair. It’s their choice. I’ll pick hair out of my teeth if I must. But I *choose* to shave everything below my eyes, because that’s *my preference*. Even when I was single, with no anticipation of anyone seeing my unclothed form, I preferred to remain clean-shaven. It’s not a “sacrifice” and it’s not for some “weird fad”. Shaming someone else because they have different aesthetic preferences from yours is some grade-school bully nonsense, NOT the attitude of a mature adult.

    • Babe Scanlon

      I agree. As long as people are doing it as their own preference. I’ve known too many people who have done it because of pressure. Also I fear the infantilization of women’s sexuality.

    • Babe Scanlon

      But I do think that voicing an opinion is not the same as shaming.

      • Karen Elizabeth McMichael

        The assumption that I am doing this “for some man”, that it is “torture”, and that either myself or my partner must be “damaged” for enjoying this? That’s not just “voicing an opinion”, that’s outright body-shaming.

        I have dated (and had sex with) women who shaved/waxed absolutely everything, and with women who let it all grow long, and with everything in-between. I’ve dated (and had sex with) men who pluck out every hair, and men who can only be described as “fuzzy” (yes, my current lover has back hair — and I love touching his body anyway). What I have NO interest in is someone who tells me that however I choose to groom is “unnatural” and “damaged”.

    • Wes

      Yes, it was such an original idea to be “clean”-shaven and now it is your preference..but 20 years ago women chose not to be “clean”-shaven. During college, all women had huge, ungroomed, bushes. Men were not complaining nor were women embarrassed to let you pull those panties down to see their hair garden. The last 10 years, at least 3 women apologized to me before the deed because they did not wax sufficiently. Waxing sucks because it strips (pun) the joy out of spontaneous f-ing. I used to love to see what was below – is she a real blonde, is she red everywhere? Now, forget it..it is so premeditated. Lucky that my girl grows it out.

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    I like to wear mine all natural. Sometimes I braid it just to get it out of the way.

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ unknownmami

    I like to wear mine all natural. Sometimes I braid it just to get it out of the way.

  • Ella

    “Ripping out your pubic hair so that your ladyparts are “cleaner” is like having your arm amputated so that your arm pit will be cleaner.”

    No it isn’t.

  • Ella

    “Ripping out your pubic hair so that your ladyparts are “cleaner” is like having your arm amputated so that your arm pit will be cleaner.”

    No it isn’t.

  • BigJD

    I don’t think most men care if the women they are with are” natural” or “bald.” Of those that do, probably as many or more prefer the natural look. Personally, I find that shaving always leaves a “5 o’clock shadow” that is quite pathetic. This is a fad that deserves to die.

  • BigJD

    I don’t think most men care if the women they are with are” natural” or “bald.” Of those that do, probably as many or more prefer the natural look. Personally, I find that shaving always leaves a “5 o’clock shadow” that is quite pathetic. This is a fad that deserves to die.