The story of baseball player Jackie Robinson and Brooklyn Dodgers GM Branch Rickey’s fight to allow a man of color to play ball. It’s a movie of easy morals that makes you cry and shake your fists at the heavens and scream things like “WHY RACISM WHY!?” Which, yeah, racism is THE WORST, and so I can get behind it. I don’t go to the movies to think — I go to the movies to be told uncomplicated half-truths about the past, sob, and eat Junior Mints mixed with popcorn. RECOMMENDED. Bring your friend who loved The Blind Side because god knows that’s not someone you want to spend time actually talking to. JK JK.

The Place Beyond the PinesEverywhere
Ryan Gosling is a tough biker (lol) who commits a crime to help his son, and then 5-0 Bradley Cooper is after him — BIG TIME. Lives are ruined in this cop’s pursuit of a criminal/the truth/not a donut — Cooper’s character cares SO MUCH and has plenty of time to do so. Just like cops in real life! Basically, it’s modern-day Les Miserables with Ryan Gosling as Jean Valjean and Bradley Cooper as Javert, and it’s big and long and an ambitious story about ridiculous shit and ultimately unrewarding because the story is so fucking dumb.

The Company You KeepKabuki
Robert Redford plays a former member of the Weather Underground (you know, the people the dedicated to destruction of US imperialism — I’m sure they’re gonna love this movie) who’s wanted by the law. When journalist Shia TheBeef outs him Redford has to go on the run. I’m all for fighting ageism in Hollywood but 76-year-old Robert Redford stealthily evading capture is too unrealistic, even for me. Although, I guess the movies has given us an island filled with dinosaurs and Linsday Lohan with a job so what do I know? Other than that, it’s a rote political thriller with two stars who are on opposite levels of the appeal spectrum. I imagine you’ll only see it if you LOVE Redford, but your distaste for beef might keep you away.

Jason Bateman, Hope Davis, and Alexander Skarsgård star in a movie about how shitty and scary the internet is. Obviously, we’re all seeing this in hopes that it’ll be another The Net.

Scary Movie 5Everywhere
Lindsay Lohan is in it, and that’s the only thing about this movie that’s not a joke.

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