The sheer amount of extra fabric involved in a gown changes everything. Here are some things you need to think about/appreciate for Gown about Town (and any other gown-worthy event).

Proper Gown Shoes:
A long gown brings whole new problems to shoe selection. In my most recent gown go-around I chose to wear stiletto heels, because that’s what I always wear. Boy, did I regret it. A skinny heel plus a regular hem seam equals a ripped out hem.


Not only did I have my hem dragging on the ground but I almost ate it on the stairs about 50 times.

If you go for a heel, the thicker the better.


A wedge may even be the best.


Navigating your Gown
You may think to yourself “I go pee and get in and out of cars every day. Not gonna be a problem.” But you could very well be wrong.

You have to get in and out of a car without catching your skirt or showing your “fancies” (that’s what I call genitals). I use this technique:

With toilets, you’ve gotta maneuver the whole toilet thing without getting your skirt in the toilet or on the filthy ground. Here’s how:

The Glory of Gowns
Now that all those problems have been dealt with, we can move on to the true glory of gowns. Sure they look good but much more important is what you can get away with when wearing one.

Here’s how I look with my skirt down.


Would you ever guess that this was going on?


Or even this?


See, as fancy as gowns look, they’re really a shield for the lazy.

You’re coming to Gown About Town, right? It’s Thursday April 4 at 6 PM, at the Hi-Lo. Here are all the details. See you there!

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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