The Last StandEverywhere
I’m torn. This Kim Jee-Woon action-adventure has my least favorite actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and my most favorite actor, Forest Whitaker. WHAT TO DO!? I most probably definitely won’t see this, but don’t let me stop you from seeing a washed up crazy in his first star vehicle in a decade. This should be called Old Dudes Blowing Shit Up, but they probably thought they were encroaching on The Expendables too much. Ugh, I really hope this is not the beginning of a some new terrible genre where we’re subjected to men who are made of wrinkles boffing fetuses and then murdering everyone with guns. Dudes, you’re too old for a mid-life crisis — this is just the end, take yourself out to pasture and let Ryan Gosling star in everything from here on out. Rain wasn’t that impressed, here’s her review.

OK, when I first saw the trailer for this, I think I was half paying attention, because I got all excited and thought it was about feral children, but it’s not, so fuck this movie. JK JK it looks fine, scary even, it’s Guillermo del Toro, so you know it’s a supernatural thriller and probably involves a creepy little girl or two. I don’t want to ruin any surprises but be prepared to be both scared and sometimes a little bored and like, “Oh, come on, del Toro! This is so silly!”

Broken CityEverywhere
A messy drama starring Marky Mark and Russell Crowe, who, fun fact!, is a little known original member of the Funky Bunch. The more you know! The movie itself is stupid, long, and boring. You’ll watch it on a plane one day, get halfway through, and switch to the terrible new Kate Hudson romcom and be a better person for it.

It’s got Common and Danny Glover, what more could you ask for? A good script? Psh, didn’t I already tell you it has Common and Danny Glover? Be thankful!

Night of the Shorts IV: Riffizens on Patrol on Jan 24Castro
The very funny people — the same people who do Mystery Science Theater 3000 — are joined by the a bunch of very funny people — Kevin McDonald (Kids in the Hall), Adam Savage (Mythbusters), Kristen Schaal (30 Rock), Paul F. Tompkins (Best Week Ever) and frequent RiffTrax Presents team Cole Stratton (Pop My Culture Podcast) and Janet Varney (The Legend of Korra) — to make fun of horrendous PSAs, and the educational, scientific and promotional shorts of yesteryear floating around out there. Let’s go!

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