Jack ReacherEverywhere
Standard action-adventure fair — kinda like a Designer Imposters version of Mission Impossible. Tom Cruise livens it up like the affable psycho he is, but ultimately, it’s a little too routine to keep you on the edge of your seat. If you must, rent it later. NEXT!

The Guilt Trip – Everywhere
Terrible trite garbage that your mom will love. Seriously, why don’t you ever take your mom to the movies? I bet you never call her, either.

This is 40Everywhere
Hella long, pretty boring, and definitely tedious. Some great moments for all the actors, but all in all, a bland feast of blandness that wouldn’t have been made if Apatow wasn’t Apatow. But he is, and bless his man heart for that. I guess. I can’t decide if this fucker has ruined or saved Hollywood comedy, through no direct fault of his own. JURY’S OUT.

Anyway, if you want to see Apatow and Mann at their best, just rent 40 Year Old Virgin and fast forward to the FRONCH TOAST part. Then, don’t see This is 40, and you’re welcome.

The Impossible – Everywhere
A movie about white people on holiday in Thailand when the tsunami hit. Interesting/unsurprising that the first mainstream movie (? — at least, the first that I’ve heard of) about that disaster is from a white family’s POV. Tired of this POV, plz try again. However, if you’d like to unwind with a decent disaster flick and you’ve worn out your copy of Alive, this is your jam.

Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away 3DEverywhere
If you want to see people from other countries lifting each other up by their dongs, or whatever, this is for you. I don’t know, I’m kind-of “over” the “magic” of the human body, so I think I’ll pass.

DeadfallOpera Plaza Cinema
If you like Eric Bana, mediocre psychological thrillers, and hella snowmobile chases, this is the movie for you! Everyone else, stay the fuck away. And Merry Christmas!

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