LooperEverywhere
Rian Johnson’s action thriller about Joseph Gordon Levitt-as-Bruce Willis killing Bruce Willis-as-Bruce Willis. CONFUSED??? That’s right, it’s a real mile-a-minute mindfuck and you’ll love every second of it! Seriously, it’s pretty much the only film worth seeing this month so you might as well bite the bullet and give AMC your $50. Rain liked it a lot, too, here’s her review.

Won’t Back Down – Everywhere
Maggie Gyllenhaal and Viola Davis as two moms who save an inner city school MAN AREN’T WE TIRED OF THIS MOVIE YET?? It’s filled with easy morals (schools good! bureaucracy bad!) and unsurprising-yet-highly-unlikely outcomes (they win! against all odds!) just means the movie is a big lie, and one I’m tired of being fed. Seriously, this is just shameful, and makes me think less of everyone involved. Lifetime called, they want you to know your movie is a schmaltzy piece of trite garbage.

Hotel TransylvaniaEverywhere
Animated flick about a bunch of monsters on vacation. Pretty much every famous movie monster is in the cast so if you have a kid and they know anything about monsters, chances are you’ll be stuck watching this. Shoulda used birth control!

Pitch PerfectEverywhere
From 30 Rock writer Kay Cannon comes this genuinely funny story about a rag-tag group of Acapella ladies with a dream. It’s totally formulaic and has almost too much singing even for ME but thanks to some fantastic performances and weirdo humor, it’s a must-see for anyone with a songbook and a dream. Or a vagina and a dream. Or a vagina and a songbook.

Stars in ShortsOpera Plaza
Eight short films starring a bunch of, you guessed it, celebrities! Most of the mini-movies (did I just coin that?!) are for crap but it’s kinda fun to not have to focus on a two hour long feature film, ya know? It’s like, “Ugh this is awful please death come soon,” and then you’re on to the next one!

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  • Greg Dewar

    so many awesome quotes in this review:

    ‘Lifetime called, they want you to know your movie is a schmaltzy piece of trite garbage.’

    “It’s like, “Ugh this is awful please death come soon,” and then you’re on to the next one!”

    and that “shoulda used birth control line” was also priceless…

  • Greg Dewar

    so many awesome quotes in this review:

    ‘Lifetime called, they want you to know your movie is a schmaltzy piece of trite garbage.’

    “It’s like, “Ugh this is awful please death come soon,” and then you’re on to the next one!”

    and that “shoulda used birth control line” was also priceless…