The AwakeningEverywhere
McNulty is a teacher at an all boys school that’s haunted by sexxxy ghosts. Honestly, I don’t know if they’re sexy ghosts but I really want McNulty to keep working so I gotta do what it takes to get you pervs into the theater! It looks sexy, sensual, and downright dirty! Bring your friends! All of them!

Glitz, glamour, and girl groups. It’s like Mariah Carey’s star vehicle/train wreck Glitter but in the 1950’s and worse because MC isn’t in it. But also, better because MC isn’t in it. My prediction is that nobody will see it and this will be its only weekend in the theater, which is a bit of shame because the costumes look tiiiight. My advice: SEE IT.

Stop-motion animation from the producers of Coraline, it’s about a little boy saves his town from zombie invasion. He’s got them creepy big eyes and a heart of gold, what could go wrong!? A total romp, and the perfect kid-adult compromise movie, everyone will be pretty happy with the choice.

The Expendables 2Everywhere
Made with more botox than a can of expired peaches, this ridiculous sequel to the ridiculous original stars every over-the-hill action star and their new faces. Looks pretty fun, I’ll probably download it and watch it while doing three other things at the same time.

The Odd Life of Timothy GreenEverywhere
Kinda like Weird Science but instead of two dorks making Kelly LeBrock, a childless couple make the perfect kid! Quirky, charming, and fully contrived, you’ll either be all, “awww” or PUKE. If you loved Pushing Daisies and Amelie but longed for them both to be a little more twee and ADORABLE!, this is your movie jam.

Two Days in New YorkEmbarcadero
Julia Delpy and Chris Rock are in loooove and trying to work it out and make it happen as two olds in NYC. It’s all pretty good but then her family comes to visit and shit hits the fan because they’re crazy-ass French people and the love to get naked and bake baguettes and ride around on unicycles and french kiss their sisters. I kinda love both Delpy and Rock so I’m along for this fast-talking, Woody Allen-esque, dramaedy about life and love and families and oui oui!

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