The Dark Knight RisesEmbarcadero
The long awaited conclusion to Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy. Pretty much everyone and their mother are going to see Christian Bale talk like Selma, Tom Hardy dressed like a Mexican wrestler in a respirator mask, and Anne Hathaway doing high kicks in a unitard. I, for one*, am HELLA excited. (Ed note: it goes without saying that our hearts and minds are with the folks who were seeing this film at the Century 16 in Aurora, Colorado early this morning. Take care of each other, everyone. We’re all in this thing together. — ELB)

Dark HorseEmbarcadero
A fat guy and a skinny girl find sort-of love, against all odds. Like, against ALL of the odds. Every single one of the odds. And then I think one of them kills their mom or molests a kid or molests their dead mom or something. What? It’s a Todd Solondz film, so that’d still be tame. Har dee har har but really, folks, if you like Solondz, this is supposed to be one of his finer films, and be very sweet and sad and funny and weird. Have at it!

Modern day adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s 1891 novel Tess of the d’Urbervilles. 1891. Wait, was the printing press around then? Or did he just handwrite hella copies? Anyway, it’s about two beautiful youngins who find love and laughter and marital bliss and marital strife and pissed-off rich parents and sad poor parents and battles over class and wealth against the backdrop of exxxotic India. It’s kind-of like Romeo and Juliet if they were both hella old and one of them was played by my future husband Riz Ahmed WHAT’S UP GURL COULD I HOLLER AT YOU? Looks pretty solid if you’re into long dramas and fine-ass menz. Rain saw it at SFIFF and thought it was OK, here’s her review.

*one = everyone on the planet with enough money to buy a ticket.

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