Safety Not GuaranteedUA Stonestown Twin
Goofy, sweet comedy about a team of cynical newspaper reporters who fuck with a man who thinks he can time travel. But then they’re like, “WAIT CAN THIS BRO ACTUALLY TIME TRAVEL??” Actually, I don’t think they think he can time travel but they start to fall in love with the wit and the whimsy! Looks pretty adorable in the way that Little Miss Sunshine (same producers) is pretty adorable so if you’re into heartfelt lolz, be about it.

Katy Perry: Part of Me 3DEverywhere
Katy Perry’s autopsy, in 3D! Or just a movie about her because she’s very unique and special and had to battle so much as an attractive white woman and isn’t rich enough yet so give her your money! Get it, girl.

SavagesCentury San Francisco Centre 9
Oliver Stone crime thriller set in Laguna Beach?? Hailed as a return to form for the director, I ask: IS THAT SUCH A GOOD THING? Maybe Old OS is best left to our DVD-players? I dunno, I think I’ll pass on this and just watch Natural Born Killers again.

The Amazing SpidermanEverywhere
Another reboot so that Marvel can keep the rights (always the basis of inspired filmmaking), it’s fun and starring another dude who you’re like, “Are you good looking? I cannot tell! I’ve been looking at your face for two hours and still have no idea!” Other than that IMPORTANT point, it looks like a fun romp with spidey. Rain thought it was OK, here’s her review.

HeadhuntersOpera Plaza
Norwegian heist movie that’s tons of suspenseful fun! If you’ve been staring at a wall just waiting for another Bourne movie, check it out. Violet saw it at SFIFF and loved it, here’s her review.

Take this WaltzEmbarcadero
Sarah Polley-directed indy about a woman who falls in lust with her sexxxy new neighbor, despite being happily married. That’s kind-of every married person’s nightmare, right? Is this just what life is? Falling in lust with other people even if we love the person we’re with? How depressing, get me a rope so I can hang everyone! Anyway: Will she cheat? Will she keep it in her pants?? I don’t know, seems pretty heart-wrenching and MAYBE kinda boring so I’ll probably see it and cry and then take bathroom breaks when I’m bored and eat some Junior Mints in the bathroom and cry some more.

Beasts of the Southern WildEmbarcadero
Story of a young girl dealing with some tough stuff in the bayou after a flood… I can’t tell if this is supposed to be about New Orleans and Katrina? Am I a complete idiot for missing that? Or is it allegorical? Anyway, she’s this special little thing with a connection to animals who’s about to be tested in ways that no six-year-old should deal with. Looks pretty awesome, and beautiful (magical realism, it’s many things, but it’s not ugly!), and yeah: bring some several boxes of tissues and maybe also be a little drunk. Emotions are tiring!

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I love animals and food!

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