Since I’ve lived in San Francisco my entire life, my Fourth of July memories are not filled with fond remembrances of warm picnics in the park, or backyard barbecues followed by firework watching on the rooftop. My holidays have more often than not been filled with warm clothing, groups huddled around a hibachi that keeps getting cooled down by the wind, and frantic prayers that the fog will hold off long enough to see some of the show over the rooftops. Ahhh. Summer!

Since the Fourth falls smack dab in the middle of the week, it’s likely the partying will be a little more subdued this year. So why not just skip the hubbub, hunker down on the couch, and enjoy your day off with hours and hours of television?

Marathons are a July Fourth staple, and this year is no different. My favorite is always Syfy’s full day of “The Twilight Zone” episodes. This year starts at 8 A.M., and goes on until 4:30 A.M. Thursday. Some of the most famous episodes are being saved for primetime, so look for “Living Doll,” starring Telly Savalas and a vindictive Talky Tina doll at 7:30 P.M; “The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street,” about paranoia in a suburban neighborhood, at 8:30 P.M.; William Shatner freaking out in “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” at 9 P.M.; and Burgess Meredith and his glasses in “Time Enough At Last” at 9:30 P.M.

Now that Joss Whedon is responsible for one of the most profitable movies of all time, maybe his short-lived series “Firefly” will get more viewers than it did in its original run? The Science Channel will be airing the entire series starting at 5 A.M.

You gotta hand it to “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Even with the existence of YouTube, the show still manages to find enough dad-getting-hit-in-the-balls-by-his-kid videos to keep the masses entertained. And let’s face it. People getting hit in the crotch, or falling off ladders, or bouncing off trampolines will never not be funny. Still, I dare you to watch ten straight hours of the show, starting at 11 A.M on ABC Family, and not come out of the experience a tad crazier. (I’m just sad there isn’t a marathon of “AFHV”‘s dark equivalent, “To Catch a Predator.”)

If the fog rolls in, obscuring your view of those pretty explosions, you can always watch some other city’s celebration on TV. (Although, if there’s anything that should be viewed live and in person, it’s fireworks.)

At 10 P.M. on CBS, they present the “Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular,” with Michael Chiklis (!) hosting, and Jennifer Hudson performing.

At 9 P.M. on NBC, there’s “Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular,” hosted by Regis Philbin (of course), and featuring performances from Kenny Chesney and Katy Perry. I guess by writing a song called “Firework,” Katy Perry has guaranteed she will have work on at least one night of the year for the rest of her life.

Baby, you’re all fireworks. Have a great Fourth!

the author

Rain Jokinen watches a lot of television and movies and then writes things about them on the Internet. She's a San Francisco native, and yeah, she'll rub that fact in your face any chance she gets.

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