It may not officially be summer yet, but in the world of television, it definitely is, and that means the return of a few good summer shows, and the premiere of new shows that probably won’t live past their summer season placement.

Tonight is apparently Gordon Ramsay night, as Fox offers two entire hours of the British chef and restaurateur screaming, starting at 8 P.M. with “MasterChef,” his “Top Chef” rip-off, followed at 9 P.M. by “Hell’s Kitchen” the show in which a chef’s true skill is demonstrated in his or her ability to cook beef Wellington while being yelled at. The chefs usually end up sweating in fear, and frankly, I prefer my Wellington with a tad less body moisture.

Also tonight, the return of “The Real Housewives of New York City.” Well, at least some of them. Ramona and her crazy eyes are returning, as well as the former Countess, and crazy Sonja, but there will be no more Jill, Alex, or Kelly. One can only hope the three new additions are as looney as those who’ve been left behind. 9 P.M. on Bravo.

On Tuesday, June 5th, ABC tries to get America to care about the Queen’s “Diamond Jubilee” with “Concert for the Queen: A Diamond Jubilee Celebration With Katie Couric,” featuring performances by Paul McCartney, Elton John, and Kylie Minogue. 9 P.M.

If that’s not enough music for one evening, “The Glee Project” returns to Oxygen at 10 P.M., with a new search for musically gifted misfit kids to replace the musically gifted misfit kids they discovered last year.

If you’re looking for shows about pretty people and the expensive places they live in, Wednesday, June 6th will provide. First, there’s the return of “Royal Pains,” that lighter-than-air drama about a “concierge” doctor for the rich and sickly in the Hamptons, at 9 P.M on USA.

There’s also the return of “Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles,” although I stopped watching when they got rid of that one realtor with the INSANE hair who was in love with his dog. Everyone else is a snore. 9 P.M. Bravo.

On Thursday, June 7th, Fox premieres two dating shows: “Take Me Out,” which is like a dating game show on estrogen and steroids, and “The Choice,” which is like “The Voice” meets “The Dating Game,” but with celebrities. In other words, you don’t need to watch Fox at all on Thursday nights.

A TV season wouldn’t be a TV season without a show about doctors, lawyers, cops, or ghosts, and Thursday’s premiere of “Saving Hope” fulfills two of those needs, as it’s a show about a ghost doctor. And by that, I mean a doctor that may be a ghost, not a doctor who treats ghosts. Although, damn! That’s a show I’d probably watch. 9 P.M. on NBC.

Comedy is the subject of the appropriately named “Comedy Bang! Bang!,” Scott Auckerman’s TV version of his popular podcast; part interview show, part sketch show, part WTF?! Friday, June 8th, at 10 P.M. on IFC.

When I tell you that on Saturday, June 9th, at 9 P.M., Syfy will air a movie called Jersey Shore Shark Attack, I don’t need to tell you anything more for you to know exactly what to expect. And god bless Syfy for that. The very existence of movies like this give me hope that even I could come up with a stupid idea for a horror movie and actually see it made. Here’s one: Real Housewives Piranha Pedicure. Spoiled rich housewives go to a weekend spa where they are promised the latest in fish pedicures, only to have their feet devoured by piranhas. There. Where’s my million dollars???

It’s not a good sign that I finally got around to watching the last season finale of “True Blood” just last week, and yet I can’t for the eternal life of me remember what the hell happened. OH RIGHT! A completely insufferable character got killed! And here’s hoping he or she stays that way. Watch the season premiere Sunday, June 10th, at 9 P.M. on HBO.

Finally, also on Sunday, comes the season finale of “Mad Men,” which is a fact I am still in denial over. It seems like it just came back, and now it’s disappearing again. That’s SO DON DRAPER. Please, AMC. Don’t make us wait another two years for season six. PLEASE. We fans might have to pull a Lane Pryce if you do that. (Ummm….too soon?) 10 P.M on AMC.

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the author

Rain Jokinen watches a lot of television and movies and then writes things about them on the Internet. She's a San Francisco native, and yeah, she'll rub that fact in your face any chance she gets.

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