The Dictator – Everywhere
Sacha Baron Cohen and Larry Charles’ latest movie looks super great! Baron Cohen plays an evil clueless dictator who gets trapped working at a health food store in Williamsburg. I don’t know, I’m laughing already. Plus, there’s plenty of scathing political commentary in it if you need some reason to actually enjoy yourself. Which you probably do, you live in San Francisco. Oh, zing.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting – Everywhere
Stars a bunch of famouses who are so famous they have no clue how to act human. Like I’m gonna believe that Cameron Diaz has a JOB (lol) and that Jennifer Lopez knows how to use a can opener (!!!). If treated like a trip to the zoo, it’s somewhat informative, but if you want to be entertained, skip it. But I mean, if you already know anything about it and are choosing not to skip it, then I’m gonna have to murder you. That being said, I will watch it on a flight one day and cry and wish I had a baby and that those girls were my besties. Rain thought it was awful, here’s her review.
Battleship – Everywhere
It’s a movie based on the Battleship board game. That said, it has the makings of an Independence Day-style comedy, just magical and hilarious and firmly stationed in the time and space between the less hilarious but still hilarious Armageddon and the way more hilarious Con Air. Also, Rhianna’s in it!
Bernie – Embarcadero
Jack Black’s serious turn is based on the true story of a charming, beloved funeral director who marries and murders an evil old lady. Because she seriously deserves it. They made the excellent casting choice of Shirley MacLaine as the evil old lady because damn, she can act crazy mean! She’s just like her character from Steel Magnolias but without any heart of gold. Anyway, it’s one of those quirky dark comedies that critics cream for and you know, it’s good that it was made. Now, whether or not you want to sit through it, that’s up to you. I’ll probably see The Dictator twice instead, welcome to America!
Headhunters – Clay
Norwegian crime-thriller-heist that’s fast, fun and intense. It’s really good so it’ll definitely be remade in the United States and come out in three years starring Channing Tatum’s neck and Megan Fox’s rack and all of everywhere will weep. Well, except for the 15-year-old boys, they’ll be too busy masturbating! America, fuck yeah! Violet loved it, here’s her review.
Elles – Bridge
French film that’s billed as “provocative exploration of female sexuality.” PASS! Besides, I already get that from Game of Thrones and my jet tub. Ow!
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