The Five-Year EngagementEverywhere
Emily Blunt and Jason Segel star in this Judd Apatow-produced comedy about five years in the life of an intermittently entertaining couple. Because this is an Apatow movie, it’s at least 30-minutes too long, (WHY ARE ALL HIS MOVIES SO FUCKING LONG?), and often borders on tediousness. Blunt and Segel do the best they can, but really, it’s like spending two hours with a couple you only kind of sort of like because one of them can cook, and the other one…seems nice? And is pretty? But if they tell you the story about how they met ONE MORE TIME, someone’s going to get slapped. Also, some of it is set in San Francisco–albeit a San Francisco that is always sunny, has plenty of parking, and where the Broadway tunnel now exits behind City Hall.

This month’s Jason Statham movie, not to be confused with the 1995 Todd Haynes movie of the same name. Although, wouldn’t it be awesome if this was a remake in which Statham starts to freak out about chemicals in his life, but instead of going to support groups and doctors, decides to just kick the asses of his cleaning person and anyone who dares come near him while wearing too much perfume? Hell yeah!…Alas, he just protects a teenage girl from the Russian mafia in this one.

The RavenEverywhere
I remember for a number of years, way back when, Sylvester Stallone was intent on playing Edgar Allen Poe in a biopic about the author. At the time, I was horrified by the prospect, but now I totally wish that movie had happened, because as much as I like John Cusack, this flick looks like utter crap. Poe is recruited to help find a serial killer who is inspired by his work? Good grief.

The Pirates! Band of MisfitsEverywhere
Animated pirate tale from the creators of Wallace & Gromit, utilizing a combination of stop-motion animation and CG backgrounds and enhancements. Almost everything Aardman Animations comes up with is wildly entertaining, so despite the (always) unnecessary addition of 3D, it’s bound to be fun for the whole damn family.

Hit So HardRoxie
Documentary about Patty Schemel, who was drummer for the Courtney Love-fronted band Hole during its heyday. The films utilizes lots of video Schemel shot herself, capturing Hole’s rise to the top, and all the associated suffering that entails…Schemel, former Hole guitarist Eric Erlandson, and director P. David Ebersole will all be on hand to introduce the film this Friday and Saturday, before the 7:15 P.M. and 9:30 P.M. showings, and will also do a Q&A after the 7:15 P.M. screenings on both nights.

The HunterBridge
Willem Dafoe ventures off into the wilderness in search of a Tasmanian Tiger, which is supposedly extinct. And if it wasn’t before, it probably will be after Dafoe and his rifle catch a sight of it. For fans of man-against-nature movies, but not for fans of endangered animals.

The SkinnyEmbarcadero
Indie drama about five young, black, gay friends who reunite one year after college graduation for a weekend in New York. From writer and director Patrik-Ian Polk, who also directed the 2001 film Punks.

Natural SelectionLumiere
Funny gal Rachel Harris goes the semi-serious route with her first lead film role in this dramedy about a sheltered Christian woman who goes on a road trip to find her dying husband’s long-lost son. Could be equal parts poignant and funny, (Harris is always a hoot), or it could be cloying and cringe-inducing, (that whole “indie movie” thing).

Warriors of the Rainbow: Seediq BaleAMC Metreon
There are six words in the title of this movie, and yet, none of them seem to shed any light on what the hell it’s actually about. So here are a few more that might help: Set in 1930 Japan and Taiwan. Wushe Incident. Taiwanese natives fight Japanese invaders. Epic battles. Produced by John Woo.

San Francisco International Film FestivalVarious
The Festival continues this weekend, through Thursday night. The closing night movie is the documentary Don’t Stop Believin’: Everyman’s Journey, about local band Journey, and how they found their latest Steve Perry replacement via YouTube, and it sounds kind of great. There are plenty of other films to be seen, and the Appeal will continue covering the fest, so keep checking back!

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the author

Rain Jokinen watches a lot of television and movies and then writes things about them on the Internet. She's a San Francisco native, and yeah, she'll rub that fact in your face any chance she gets.

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