Project XEverywhere
Terrible comedy for teenage boys directed by two different people. That’s always a good sign!

Dr. Suess’ The Lorax 3DEverywhere
Adorable propaganda from Dr. Suess. Of course, Hollywood took the book’s anti-consumerist message and made a 3D movie with it to sell shit to kids. Really capturing the spirit of whimsical creative imagination! Good job, guys! It’s pretty perfect, if you think about it. Actually, don’t do that.

Crazy HorseEmbarcadero
A documentary about the famed Parisian all nude ladies review. They giggle and jiggle their way into your hearts and pocket books. They also strip and shoot ping pong balls out of their cooters and hump tables and do the worm for the dollar dollar bills. I made that all up but mad respect, yo. Pop those coochies, girls. Also, I kinda feel like if you want to see this, just rent some porn, ya know? It’s kinda like guys who won’t buy/admit to buying Jugs but love Maxim? Maxim is THE WORST because it pretends it’s more than just floppy tits and crotch shots. Just be what you are, OK? That said, I love me some classy porn so maybe I’ll get up in it.

Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar MovieLumiere
Do you love Tim & Eric? Great, you’ll love this! Do you see them and think, “Damn, there goes even MORE sorta funny white guys being more famous than they need to be even if it’s just kinda famous!?”? Well, see it anyway because it’s important that small comedies do well because then maybe they’ll make more small comedies and those will be actually funny! I think that’s how Hollywood works. I could be totally wrong — it could just be a monkey pulling colored strings that drop ping pong balls onto a typewriter. That’s a possibility, too.

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I love animals and food!

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