“Project Runway” hit its pinnacle several seasons ago, and the shows that have tried to follow suit have largely failed. Which means I don’t have a lot of hope for “Fashion Star,” the latest entry in fashion-based reality TV. Especially since Jessica Simpson and Nicole Richie are the show’s two “mentors.” (But, apparently Jessica Simpson’s shoe line is pretty popular, so what do I know!) Elle Macpherson is the requisite supermodel host. Watch the premiere Tuesday, March 13th, at 9:30 P.M. on NBC.

On Thursday, March 15th, “Community” is finally returning to TV, and you better watch it, because if you don’t, it might get cancelled, and it will be all your fault, and you don’t want to be responsible for that kind of tragedy. So, just turn the channel to NBC at 8 P.M. and watch. Do it. JUST DO IT.

And, since you’ll be watching “Community” at 8 P.M., if you want to watch Ashley Judd’s new drama “Missing,” you’ll just have to record it and watch it later. But truthfully, as awesome as Ashley Judd can be, (and she can be; just read her memoir for proof of that), this show is basically just an extended take of her looking stern and bellowing variations on the line “WHERE’S MY SON?!” 8 P.M on ABC.

On Friday, March 16th, USA is moving two if its shows to new nights, starting with “Fairly Legal” at 9 P.M., (a show I just could never get into), followed by “In Plain Sight” at 10 P.M., a show I watch purely because of Mary McCormack and her awesome portrayal of the incredibly weird and cantankerous Mary Shannon, who, lest we forget, will now also be a weird and cantankerous mother. At least, that’s the hope. I don’t want to see her going soft any time soon…

Speaking of weird and cantankerous, Werner Herzog has a weekly show called “On Death Row” on Investigation Discovery. His 2011 documentary Into the Abyss (which I reviewed here) began as an episode of this show, but was expanded into a full-length feature. But if you’ve seen that, you’ll know what this show is like: It’s basically Herzog talking to prisoners on death row about their crimes, what it’s like to live on death row, and what it’s like to live knowing the exact date your are scheduled to die. Sobering stuff. Fridays at 7 P.M. and 10 P.M.

If you’d rather pull out your own teeth than venture out on a St. Patrick’s Day that’s occurring on a weekend, then you’re in luck, because there are two–count ’em TWO–stupid made-for-TV St. Patrick’s day themed movies premiering on Saturday, March 17th.

In Chasing Leprechauns, which you can watch at 8 P.M. on the Hallmark Channel, Adrian Pasdar travels to Ireland to try and fight some law about building on land inhabited by leprechauns. I really, really hope it ends with him falling in love with a leprechaun.

A better bet is probably Leprechaun’s Revenge, as it’s a Syfy movie of the week, and they’re usually good for a laugh or two. Poor Billy Zane and William Devane star as the guys fighting the leprechaun that has been released from a cursed tree. Or something. As if the plot matters! SCARY LEPRECHAUN! 9 P.M. on Syfy.

Finally, on Sunday, March 18th, we have the season finale of “The Walking Dead,” and let me tell you, I’ve begun to root for the zombies, because the people are doing nothing but piss me the hell off. I hope they all die, resurrect as zombies, and the rest of the series just features everyone stumbling around Atlanta, groaning, and eating whatever crosses their path. I dare say it would be a lot more entertaining than this season has been. 9 P.M. on AMC.

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the author

Rain Jokinen watches a lot of television and movies and then writes things about them on the Internet. She's a San Francisco native, and yeah, she'll rub that fact in your face any chance she gets.

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