Safe HouseEverywhere
Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds star in this action thriller about a rogue CIA officer and some clueless rookie who have to go on the run together when their safe house is compromised. Looks pretty mediocre (Rain thought it was “pretty solid”) but reminds me of the time I took the Warner Brothers tour in Burbank and there was a page from Denzel’s script for Training Day and literally every word was circled or underlined and notes made about character motivation and subtext. You KNOW that lines like, “Good Morning, Ben,” were workshopped to oblivion. What a pretentious loon! I’m pretty sure I could deliver the same performance if you held a bagel in front of my face and told me to act or I wouldn’t get to eat it, ya know? That’s what we call, “The Method” around these parts.

The VowEverywhere
Rachel McAdams and a meatball on a neck star in this terrible sappy romantic movie about the beautiful girl who gets amnesia and must be taught to love again by her own husband. It’s like 50 First Dates fucked The Notebook and gave birth to this inbred bastard. That said, I will totally watch it on a plane one day and cry the whole time.

Journey 2: The Mysterious IslandEverywhere
Sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth so goofy that only pubescent boys will enjoy it. But I guess that’s really the only demographic that matters so, will probably make ten billion trillion dollars while art and entertainment hold each other and cry in a corner.

Oscar Nominated Short Films — Live Action and Oscar Nominated Short Films — AnimatedLumiere and Opera Plaza
Want to win that Oscar pool? Yeah you do. In this dying economy, you need to make the dollar, dollar bills however you can. Up your chances of taking home $50 by becoming an expert in a category that everyone else is clueless about — the shorts! Seriously, you will be regarded as the most cultured and smartest person in the room when you speak with even the tiniest bit of knowledge about these films that only five other people on Earth have seen. That might even get you laid, too?? Oh, the possibilities!

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