I’m not a football fan. I went through a brief phase back in 1981 and 1982, since I was, after all, a young San Franciscan, and Joe Montana was kinda sorta cute. But when the 1982 season was cut short by a strike, it just pissed me off, and I haven’t liked the game since.

That said, I couldn’t resist watching some of the championship game two weeks ago, but am sorry to say, it just re-instilled my dislike of the game. When did football players become such dicks? So much unnecessary roughness, and ego-driven posturing. It’s a total turnoff.

So, needless to say, the Super Bowl–which, in case you didn’t know, is on this Sunday, February 5th at 3 P.M. on NBC--isn’t my priority this weekend. I will be TiVo’ing it, but just so I can watch Madonna possibly expose a boob during the halftime show, and skip the game and watch the commercials, (which, let’s face it, have been a disappointment for the past five years, at least).

Most of the networks aren’t even trying to compete with the game, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t alternatives, mostly in the form of a lot of marathons and one very special special…

That special, and the best Super Bowl alternative this Sunday, is “Puppy Bowl VIII,” which starts at 3 P.M. on Animal Planet, and this year they’ve got pigs, a Tweeting bird, AND EVEN MORE PUPPIES!

BBC America is going all Patsy and Edina, all day, with an “Absolutely Fabulous” marathon that starts at 10 A.M. on Sunday, and ends at 6 A.M. on Monday. Talk about benders!

Following in the drunken mess genre is a “Jersey Shore” season five marathon starting at 10 A.M. on MTV. The marathon will be capped with a preview of things to come in the remainder of the season. (Spoiler alert! I hear there might–might–be drinking, fighting, and sloppy sexing.)

If neither of the above is enough drunk shenanigans, I’m sure any episode of “The Real Housewives of…” should sate even the most jaded. Bravo will be airing random episodes from various seasons starting at 8:30 A.M.

If the Super Bowl isn’t satisfying your cheerleader needs for the day, you can watch a marathon of all five Bring It On movies (there were five?!) on ABC Family starting at 9 A.M. with Bring It On Again.

And if it’s “Law & Order” ye shall seek, it’s “Law & Order” ye shall find, with marathons of “L&O” on TNT from 4 A.M. until 10 P.M., and “L&O: SVU” on USA starting at 9 A.M. (Alas, my needs for an all day “L&O: CI” marathon will not be met.)

Lastly, NBC has saved its coveted post-Super Bowl slot for the premiere of season two of “The Voice,” the singing competition featuring Cee Lo Green, Adam Levin, Blake Shelton, and Christina Aguilera. The season one premise holds true this season: They’ll all sit in their crazy ass chairs, and try to judge the hopefuls based on voice alone. I’ve got to say, most of them have pretty good poker faces, as I don’t recall any of the judges being visibly disappointed at the singers they chose to look at. Imagine Simon Cowell in THAT scenario. (The show premieres after the game, but there’s no real way of knowing when that will be. Official premiere time is 7 P.M.)

Want more news, sent to your inbox every day? Then how about subscribing to our email newsletter? Here’s why we think you should. Come on, give it a try.

the author

Rain Jokinen watches a lot of television and movies and then writes things about them on the Internet. She's a San Francisco native, and yeah, she'll rub that fact in your face any chance she gets.

Please make sure your comment adheres to our comment policy. If it doesn't, it may be deleted. Repeat violations may cause us to revoke your commenting privileges. No one wants that!