The Adventures of Tin TinEverywhere
Spielberg’s weird but charming CGI version of the beloved comic about a boy detective and his dog. I will say, this movie’s been in production for about 15 years and there are about 25 writers credited, so that’s always a good sign. Simon Pegg is in it, because he’s in every movie now. He better watch it or he’s gonna cross over from funny and adorable into cloying and creepy. Fine line!

Mission Impossible: Ghost ProtocolEverywhere
Holy shit, this was so much fun. Director Brad Bird, he of The Incredibles and Iron Giant genius, leaves the world of cartoons and brings the cartoon-y magic with him. Go see it in IMAX because that shit is so enormous and in your face, it feels like the action is happening in your pants! He’s that good! Plus, that way Tom Cruise is almost a normal height. Zing! I was so pumped up after seeing this, I thought I was gonna have to get in a fist fight to calm down. Also, before the movie, there’s a six minute clip of the new dark night flick and it looks SO GOOD. I can’t say enough, such a good time. Love that Tom Cruise! Is this what Scientology is about? Sign me up! Also, Simon Pegg is in this movie.

The Girl With the Dragon TattooEverywhere
You guys, sit down — I have some crazy news. I know this is shocking but the Swedish mega-hit bloody-rapey-murdery thriller-mystery novel was optioned and turned into a movie. Hollywood is always game to take a chance. Real risk takers in that town!

I Melt With YouLumiere
Jeremy Piven being old and doing drugs. Is there anything more boring and sad than old people partying? I’ve given up on Jeremy Piven ever being in a good movie again. He had such potential.

We Bought a ZooEverywhere
Cameron Crowe is a real bozo. His best movie making days are behind him (Rain agrees, here’s her review) — he should just team up with Jeremy Piven and make the worst film of all time. Anyway, onto this piece of shit, which delivers the fine message, “If you have enough love in your heart, you can totally raise a tiger!” It’s a movie about the worst qualities of white people and the worst qualities of Americans, combined. Ugh, it’s filled with so much false sentimentality, I’m cringing just thinking about it. If I made this movie, it’d be about that dude in Ohio who released all those lions and tigers and bears into the woods and then killed himself. THAT’S what really happens when you buy a zoo, and don’t you forget it. Fuck, too late, you already bought a zoo, didn’t you? GODDAMN IT!

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the author

I love animals and food!

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