Crazy, Stupid, Love – Everywhere
A date night romcom that’s a grade above the usual crapola. I guess (Rain says it was, at least, here’s her review). Its cheesiness is painful, with characters delivering lines like, “I shoulda fought for you,” and “She’s your soulmate, right? Go get her back!” and, “I don’t know when you and I stopped being us.” The kind of shit that’s supposed to make us go, “awww,” instead of cringing or puking, which is what you should be doing. I’ll totally see it because I’m a sucker for Steve Carell’s shnoz and general adorability, and I love, love,LOVE Marisa Tomei, but I will recognize that everything they present to us is a farce and we’ll all die alone, most likely in flames during a Water and/or Race War.
The Name of Love – Clay
She’s a wacky free spirit who doesn’t give a shit and he’s a conservative veterinarian who gives many shits and against all odds, they find themselves falling in love! Opposites attract films are so common that they’re practically their own genre, and yet in real life, these two psychos would stay as far away from each other as possible. Oh well, the Magic! And Whimsy! of the Theatre! Shoot me!
Life in a Day – Kabuki
National Geographic documentary that shows what it’s like to wake, eat, sleep, and just be all over the world. A day in the life of Earth’s humans, if you will. If you have any curiosity about what it’s like to not be you, you might want to spend a couple hours watching this. It’s a bit boring in parts, but that’s life, right?
Cowboys and Aliens – Everywhere
A summer blockbuster written by about 15 people, with its foot stuck in so many genres, you have no clue what’s going on. And I like it! It’s just so gloriously goofy and terrible, I nominate this as the picture that’s best to see whilst hella high. This week. Rain wasn’t so thrilled with it, but she wasn’t high when she saw it, because she’s a professional.
The Smurfs – Everywhere
You know how bad you think this is gonna be? It’s worse! Truly!! This is a film that will creep kids out and horrify adults. If you ever really needed to see the Smurfs again, just watch some old cartoons. Also, question your humanity, because the Smurfs have always been whack. Honestly, I’d rather watch Garfield and Friends. GARFIELD AND FRIENDS.