The Double HourClay
An Italian film noir about a maid who meets a veteran while speed dating. Sounds good already, right? Well, there’s murder, intrigue, thrills, chills, and a little nudity. It’s sexy, sassy, and straight-up scary. That’s the four “S”s of good film making, y’all!

Another Hole in the Head Film FestivalRoxie
A fest that celebrates horror, fantasty, porn-iness, and terrifying craziness in all of its forms, especially satire and parody. I’m looking forward to A Cadaver Christmas, Karate-Robo Zaborgar, and 52 TAKES OF THE SAME THING, THEN BOOBS. They’re all exactly what they sound like so my work here is done.

X-Men: First ClassEverywhere
A prequel written by five people? Ruh roh! However, it’s not as bad as all that, and it’s actually fun to see the “making of” Professor X and Magneto. It’s like an X-Men: Behind the Music meets X-Men: Muppet Babies. Just go with it.

Tree of LifeEmbarcadero
Terrence Malick directs Brad Pitt and Sean Penn in a movie about nothing that’s trying to make a point about something. Filled with unique vision, unparalleled artistry, etc., etc., blah blah blah. I think if I knew these dudes, I’d regularly want to strangle them with ropes weaved from their own pretension and girlfriend’s arm pit hair. Well, except maybe Brad Pitt. He’s not quite smart enough to hate — I think I’d keep him as a pet.

Contractor’s RoutineLumiere
An independent film about a contractor who’s had enough and is about to get to cutting. If you like watching angry white men bust heads, this is for you. Next stop? Serious therapy!

Nostalgia for the LightLumiere
This shit is bananas. It’s what Tree of Life wishes it was: Beautiful, brilliant, disturbing. Filmmaker Patricio Guzm├ín explores Chile’s Atacama Desert, a place that offers unparalleled views of the cosmos and also, serves as a graveyard for political prisoners slain under Pinochet’s reign. It’s an art film unlike anything I’ve ever seen, and my top pick of the week. Which, btw, I think I’m gonna start doing… what do you think? Laura’s #1 Best Quality Film Ever Made (That Came Out This Week). Or something.

Want more news, sent to your inbox every day? Then how about subscribing to our email newsletter? Here’s why we think you should. Come on, give it a try.

the author

I love animals and food!

Please make sure your comment adheres to our comment policy. If it doesn't, it may be deleted. Repeat violations may cause us to revoke your commenting privileges. No one wants that!