Fast Five – Everywhere
It’s got cars, boobs, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. If I could see it as a double feature with Drive Angry, I’d be in heaven. If you get the SF Appeal Daily Newsletter, you’re awesome*, and also, you already know that Eve loved it and so if you can’t agree with me and Eve, who can you agree with? God, I hope it’s Rain.
Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil – Everywhere
Dude, ANOTHER play on Little Red Riding Hood? I wonder how many decent original scripts were passed over to produce this bullshit garbage. So insulting. If you’re thinking of taking your kids to see this, just surrender them at a fire station before I call CPS on you.
Prom – Everywhere
OMG it’s Julie Taylor! Love her little confused Texan ass. Also, I just heard she’s vegan so I’m feeling pretty loving toward her. That said, this is a 2nd rate teen comedy (term used loosely) in the vein of Can’t Hardly Wait but not quite as charming. Despite the fact that the male lead looks about 50-years-old, I like the fact that some of the other kids look like kids–kinda cute and kinda dumpy in that high school way. These movies are never actually funny but they are kinda sweet, ya know? If you’re a sucker for teenomedies, you’ll check it out. If you’d rather die, then yeah.
The Robber – Lumiere
It’s about a man who robs for the love of the thrill, not for the money. Must be nice! There are some really excellent chase scenes which makes sense because it’s an Austrian film. What? My one bone to pick is that the lead guy wears a Ronald Regan mask when he’s out robbin’ and we all know that’s already been taken.
The Barber of Seville – Balboa
This is part of the Balboa’s series of operas, ballets and Shakespeare productions that were recently newly filmed live in Europe. So continental! If you’re into opera–and who isn’t?**–check it out!
The Princess Of Montpensier – Embarcadero
I almost didn’t review this movie because I couldn’t spell it and that’s the fucking truth. I don’t want to sugar coat my commitment to you people, you should know how it is. I know the French are cheesy as shit but I do love a sweeping historical drama, and this one set in the 16th century delivers. The costumes are exquisite, the overacting is phenomenal, and the story will have you crying and masturbating simultaneously. Too much? You’re just like the monarchy who tried to suppress the daring sexuality of its princess!
San Francisco International Film Festival – Various
The SFIFF is going strong, and SF Appeal has been on the case but good! So far, Wendy reported on Microphone (learn more about Egypt!) and Living on Love Alone (for those in love with love). Rain has the inside word on Meek’s Cutoff (a Western about life on the Oregon trail! Dope!), Stake Land (Vampires!), The Selling (comedic horror from SF State people) and The Good Life (a Danish Grey Gardens). Becca told you about Pink Saris (an Indian girl gang!) and Beginners (Ewan McGregor!) , and Liana jerked tears in her report on Crime After Crime. There’s still plenty of SFIFF left, so go get your culture on! Cut me some slack, it’s Friday.
*And if you don’t, you’re honestly missing out. Since starting to receive it, I’ve lost ten pounds from laughing so hard and learning so much. This, too, could be all yours! Sign up today!
**me!
