TruckNutz.jpgHave a question about the many peculiar habits of the modern hetero dude? Ask a Straight Guy is your chance to pose those burning questions to the Appeal’s straight-guy-in-residence. Kindly direct your hetero-curious questions to:, because straight guys are deep and meaningful people too.

Truck Nutz, really? You had to go there?

Let me explain something about Truck Nutz. These things come from a dark and terrible place. That place is called Florida.

But to truly understand Truck Nutz, you first need to understand Trucks. And also gun racks. You need to understand gun racks that are made for being mounted in trucks. And then you need to understand guns. But guns are easy to understand because they are just penises with shinier, more metallic-tasting (allegedly!) ammunition.

So, first you (“you” being anyone who would deny men their guns)…Anyway, first you took away guns. And a gun rack without guns is more embarrassing than calling for a free trial of Extenz at this point, so the gun racks were ditched.

Now you’re coming after trucks, because apparently you’re still not sold on the fact that 11 miles per gallon on the highway is “pretty decent gas mileage” and “not really a big deal because it’s got a 40 gallon tank so you don’t have to fill up that often.” (We spent a lot of time figuring out how to justify trucks.)

So do you see where you’ve left us?

Because we can no long adorn ourselves with gun-shaped exterior penises (well, some people still do, but only at certain Starbucks locations) we have to remind you just how phallic a Hemi Dodge Ram is by attaching a pair of balls to the back.

Now it definitely looks like a dick.

Photo: HyperVocal

Want more news, sent to your inbox every day? Then how about subscribing to our email newsletter? Here’s why we think you should. Come on, give it a try.

Please make sure your comment adheres to our comment policy. If it doesn't, it may be deleted. Repeat violations may cause us to revoke your commenting privileges. No one wants that!