Kaboom – Bridge
Director Gregg Araki likes to put a bunch of attractive young people in a room and have them all talk about fucking and then fuck. I’m not complaining. Kaboom is a bit more interesting than just that because there’s a murder mystery involved. It’s a half-naked Whodunit! You can read Alex’s review here.
Recommended for: teen movie junkies, dudes who whack it to Maxim (you know, they want to see porn in a theater but won’t actually just go to porn), New Queer Cinema fans
This is Noise Pop – Roxie
A documentary about the indie music festival of the same name. Basically, you’re watching a bunch of bands jam for a few hours. Fresh hell. If I wanted to do that, I’d be on Hippie Hill or more likely, throwing myself off a bridge because I’ve become That Which I Most Hate.
Recommended for: self-proclaimed music lovers, their bored significant others, people in drum circles who are looking for a slight change of pace
Even the Rain – Embarcadero
It’s a movie about the making of a movie, which parallels the modern day (ok, year 2000) struggle of poor, rural Bolivians against the privatization of their water with a film crew rolling into town to shoot a revisionist history of Columbus’ messed-up Caribbean “voyage.” While flawed, I dig this movie for three reasons: I love a good uprising, a woman directed it (Go on, Icíar Bollaín!), and Gael García Bernal is so very, very beautiful.
Recommended for: Werner Herzog fans, Howard Zinn fans, people who can read (subtitles, yo!)
Big Momma: Like Father, Like Son – Everywhere
Racist, misogynistic, fattist, and stupid as shit. The only good thing to say about this movie and its terrible prequels is that they’ve inspired Honky Grandma Be Trippin’. Or, as my friend Mark says, “it’s short on explanations, big on laughs.”
Recommended for: Tracy Jordan, literally nobody else
Unknown – Everywhere
An action thriller about a man who suffers a concussion and when he comes to, everyone he knows acts like they don’t know him. Basically, it’s an unfunny Trading Places, but the whole scheme is orchestrated by murdering psychos instead of adorably cantankerous racists. Liam Neeson stars as average middle aged white guy turned ball busting bad ass and bitch-faced cardboard cutout January Jones plays his bitch-faced wife. I’d wait for Instant Netflix.
Recommended for: Men having mid-life crises, car chase aficionados, people who think Liam Neeson deserves a break
I am Number Four – Everywhere
This teenage dude with magical superpowers tries to blend in and live and love at some high school, but he’s not like everybody else so you do the math. If an X-Man fucked Bella, she’d birth this movie. Scarier than a demon? I don’t know. Anyway, it’s based on some popular book, so people who read that will probably want to see it.
Recommended for: Idiots who read the book, idiot teenagers