kabuki.jpgAs far as San Franciscans are concerned, there is no place like the Sundance Kabuki Theater. It’s comfy, has an awesome balcony, serves food, and costs an arm and a leg to go to. I mean, movies are already sort of expensive, but a good way to make them more expensive is to make them more expensive, and the people at Sundance Kabuki totally get that!

As far as I can tell, and that is pretty freaking far because I have great eyesight, the main purpose of the “amenities fee” they tack onto the ticket price is so you can choose your seat when you buy your ticket as opposed to 30 seconds later when you actually walk into the theater. $3? That’s worth $300,000!

But perhaps the service fee is for the privilege of sitting in the balcony where there are little tables between the seats. The guys I go with always want to get seats next to one of these tables, and I always want to sit in their laps, so everyone is usually happy except for them and me.

One time, a friend and I tried to sit in some seats that we had not reserved 30 seconds before, and the people who had reserved them came in and got confused because they were almost sure we were sitting in their seats, but they couldn’t be sure because we were covering the numbers with our knees.

They actually had to leave the theater to confirm their suspicions that we were assholes, and by the time they came back with a manager they had almost used up their entire amenities fee on us.

Apparently, part of the reason for the amenities fee is because the people behind Sundance Kabuki only present the finest “art, independent and world cinema” and yet I don’t see Tangled anywhere on the lineup! What is that all about? That’s all about crazy as far as I can tell, which is pretty goddamn far, and getting farther by the minute thanks to yesterday’s completely cosmetic Lasik surgery.

Of course, one of the reasons for the fee is because they don’t show long and embarrassing Coca-Cola commercials before the movie, which is a huge relief if you drink Pepsi.

Actually, after all this talk of amenities fees I’m starting to come around on the Sundance Kabuki. All of that and the chance to see Robert Redford for just $3 + the cost of admission sounds like a steal. I guess I am sort of a San Franciscan after all.

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